We started marriage counseling & now he wants out

[finding nemo]

Stop thinking about OW, it really doesn't matter. He's left and if you're trying to stand for your marriage, obsessing about OW is not the way to do it.

In my sitch, I have heard rumors (I haven't asked, people just keep bringing me info - very frustrating). And I know how it feels, that tightness in your chest just thinking about it makes me so upset. However, when I heard the rumors, and the more than rumors, I was actually able to sleep better that night. It then became clear to me that the awful things H said to me when he was leaving me (I failed as a W, I'm a terrible mother, etc., etc.) weren't about me and my shortcomings. They were about him justifying to himself why he was leaving. He had to have a scapegoat, and that was me. Because he can't be the bad guy, that doesn't fit his image. So, that helped me. Plus, in all the things he said to me, none of it made sense. However, if I add a 3rd person to our marriage (OW), then it all makes sense.

As far as getting over it, my H won't admit to OW, so not sure how to do that part. I just know for now, I try not to think about it as it really doesn't matter right now.