Just Keep Swimming

[finding nemo]

Labug,

Agreed, the financial situation is a bit miserly. He likes to be in control, and as he is so angry, I'm willing to give in to him about this for now. I do think he's loosening up on his stance on the finances. We'll see...

H's parenting skills started to fall by the way-side awhile ago. He was dealing with so much, for so long, I thought the least I could do is take my responsibilities as the SAHM very seriously and give my kids one really attentive parent while H dealt with the loss of both his parents(and other responsibilities). I feel like I could have and should have included him back and made more of an effort to do more family activities together.

Agreed about their relationships. I have been known to inform all parties different information to smooth out the relationships. lol

I've been keeping all texts (which has been a pain to print them, can only do a few a day), e-mails and a log of his visits and phone call to the kids. I actually hide these when he comes to visit, just in case! I had hopes that he would be visiting and talking to his kids more once he saw his attorney. That lasted all of 2 days.

You're right, I do want to be a strong and confident woman. I hope I am working towards that, but I do need to really visualize what that means. Back to the drawing board on that one!

I've been having a much easier time with the kids. A friend of mine actually commented this week about how peaceful my house was. And you know what, it is peaceful here! And cleaner, too! I'm guessing my H was really loud and piggy and I didn't really notice it til now!! lol The 4 of us have tried to get a good schedule down, and we're really getting the hang of it, I think. I think I've been able to create a sense of consistency (or getting there), which is what we all need at this time of upheaval. And it helps that their mother isn't crying all the time and moping around!

I've really got to work trying not to fix him and remember what you wrote "You can't fix this because you didn't break it. You might have contributed but you didn't do it single-handedly." I think I'm going to put that on my bathroom mirror!!

Today was a good day, I don't feel as obsessive. I still worry about H (as he is really blowing up his life), but I know that I'll be ok. And, if I'm ok, my kids will be too.

Thanks so much, I really appreciate your post - it really has made me think as well as given me some much needed support and words of wisdom!!