Tips for the Spouse with the Higher Sex Drive

[25yearsmlc]

I agree with Accuray. It's not a matter of "seduction". There are many issues - mental, emotional, etc. that come into play when you're with a longtime partner. If there's something wrong in those areas, it doesn't matter if you're Cassanova.

I get what you are saying Bond. IT can be very complex AND There's no question some people, (usually women), just do not place enough value on sexual intimacy in a marriage.

Accuray, I have read a lot of your thread. You've said too many insightful self aware comments for me to believe you are a selfish man and that you are "THE" problem. I truly feel for you. I hope you two can somehow overcome this difficult time.

But OTOH, I do have a brother who wanted out of his marriage, (unbeknownst to the rest of us). We all loved his wife. She was beautiful smart, warm AND hilarious. Apparently she wasn't crazy about one sided love making.

All we knew was that He began saying things about his wife that were pretty unflattering, although all of it had to do with their sex life. He first implied and then SAID she was "frigid" -that she never had an "O", and he implied that some sort of sex abuse had occurred in her childhood. He over shared, to be honest. BUT THEN

it Turned out none of it was true. (Which is both crappy AND weird).

They divorced, per his request, and he did not do as well in his single life as I guess he expected...

anyhow, my former sil remarried and she has a great sex life w/a handsome guy who is in shape. They are very romantic together and I can tell you I NEVER saw that with my brother. (She'd be shocked/humiliated to know what my brother said about her, but suffice to say our discussions are frank enough for me to realize he just flat out lied...)

I love my brother. But he's a better brother than husband.

He gained so much weight she probably wasn't that into it BUT I know she was willing b/c of comments she made at the time...but I think that rather than facing the reality that he wasn't great to her in bed,

or that he was/is "relationally challenged" --i.e., lazy when it comes to that type of thing - instead--he really maligned her.

This is anecdotal of course. I get that. But hey, I did see it and it made quite the impression.

I have several brothers. Of the men/brothers who've discussed their sex lives with me, I know that brother is different from most men.

What bothers me the most (well, other than not being loving enough to learn, IN bed)

is that he said such lousy things about her - instead of just saying he wanted his freedom. Maybe he knew we loved her a lot and that we'd argue for him to stay.

The good news is that she is much happier now than she ever would have been, with him. I only bring this up b/c it did make an impression on me and my mother said, at the time, a French saying that roughly translates into something like "there are no frigid women, only clumsy men."

I KNOW That the saying is NOT accurate for all... I realize it unfairly blames men for problems that belong to some of their partners alone. I get that. But I also think it reflects my mother's time- and the belief of some men, that intercourse alone should suffice to satisfy all "normal" partners.

Acc- I truly hope you find the love/intimacy you want and deserve.