First, I totally get what you are saying about the guru. Not my first choice, either. That said, I do see value in the six needs, even if the source is someone else... We are on the same page...
Funny, so much of what you say about you and your H is familiar to me. While I might have been diagnosed as ADD at some time, I do not have the label, while some of the symptoms exist strongly in me...
Still, I have never been the person you describe as your H's behaviours... More, I see those behaviours in my W...
The "this is what I've decided" conversations and the not remembering promises thing... never mind promises... not remembering conversations, often enough... This isn't new for my W, but it is stronger these past few years, for certain...
I get where you are at and frankly, that is where I was at before bomb drop... I was unhappy in my M... or at least, I wasn't getting my needs met and truely, I was not meeting the needs of my W, either... but I was OK with settling for what I had... until the pressure really started from my W and then she dropped the bomb...
If I didn't feel the need to move out, and nothing changed with my W... I'd probably be in your sitch...
That reminds me... every year I do a back flip to see if I still can... I think I'm due...
I know you say that life outside your M is wonderful... and I get that you are frustrated but continue to expect nothing more from your H and your M...
It still distracts you...
You hope for... you want reliability and dependability from him... I totally understand... my W gave me consistency... and sometimes she gave variety... well, it was planned well in advance, but it was variety... lol... but what I never got, or rather, what I was seeking but didn't get, so I withdrew, was connectedness... a desire from her, to just be with me... to go out, just the two of us... to just spend an evening out, together... no one else... no kids...
Anyhow, I'm still seeking to fill that need right now, but now I am seeking to fill it outside of the M. If I had hope to save the M, it would be in a more benign way. It still is, but I've opened myself to the possibility of "more" than benign...
So where I'm going with that is, I do understand that you are seeking that from your H. But what if that doesn't happen? How can you fill that need, elsewhere?
Or rather, how can you further develop your external life in a way that is gratifying, serving you, and fulfilling your needs, that when you go home to the H, his crazy doesn't affect you?
How can you find a way to stay away from his crazy? Busy yourself in a way that is MORE away from him?
IDK... I'm stretching here...
But you are frustrated with him, it seems... so the answer... the solution... would likely be detaching more so that his craziness really has no bearing on you...
Another possibility is... change yourself in the sitch to change the sitch...
You mention that your H is a grumbly fart when you are trying to have fun around him... and it bothers you... so you join him in his negativity...
I wonder... what if you just said, F it... I'm going to continue to dance around the house in my underwear, while I vacuum the floor and I don't care if he doesn't like it, because that is who I am...
Would you be prepared to do that?
I'd put big bets on... the sitch will change REAL quick if you stop letting his crap affect who you are...
We are on the same page... 
