Ah, happiness. We all know where to find it, we all crave it, and we all search for it.
Before I continue, let me say I am soooo not a fan of that so called "guru". He pulls stuff from you know where.
AND his 6 basic needs are plagiarized from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs written in 1943...(a requirement for teachers to study in child psychology)
but I will play along nicely
outside my marriage, I am thrilled! I love life, I am fun, outgoing, a ball of laughs. I do cartwheels, flips, handstands, skip (seriously, no lie). I make jokes, I smile.... you get the point.
I get home, and KaaaaaWhamm!!
And I know why, but that's the part I can't change. For example, if H and I were out, and I decided to skip he'd shoot me dirty looks and make a snide comment. Then the next day he'd tell someone I'm no fun anymore; that I used to be chipper and smiley and fun to be around. (yup, crazy train) He (even after being explicitly explained) doesn't see that it's his actions that prevent me from being fun with him- who wants to even start to be fun knowing snide remarks are coming??
(yes, that's a real life experience)
I crave reliability and dependability. I can not stand double standards and not being true to your beliefs.
H can't remember he gave his word, let alone keep it. H wants it quiet when he's working, but comes in a talks non-stop when I'm writing my papers (and gets huffy when I ask him to leave so I can work) H doesn't ask me to his work happy hours, but gets pissed if I don't invite him to mine, and he crashes my study group at least once a month as if they are his best friends. H parks in handicap spaces to "run" into a store H yells at the kids to pick up their stuff all over the place, but his crap is all over the dining room table.
H really isn't providing me with variety- the stuff he does might vary, but at its core, it's the same thing.
Like the flowers. yes that was variety, but at its core, it was H doing what he wanted and not listening (or remembering me)
I said over and over and over, I didn't want a lap desk for my laptop. I said over and over I needed to pick it out (I have carpel tunnel syndrome) because I needed to check the angle my wrists would be at. H came home with a lap desk. His gift giving goes contrary to listening to my needs. Then he gets pissed if I take it back, and he gets pissed if I don't use it (even though it freakin hurts my wrists to use it)
Are you picturing a rock and a hard place yet, and me spinning in between them?
That's the comfort I crave. I crave to be listened to and HEARD. H doesn't understand that when I say I don't like flowers- I honestly and truly don't like getting flowers; and giving me flowers isn't going to change that, it's actually saying "I do't care what you don't like". When I said I need to pick out a lap desk, it was because I honestly and truly needed to pick out one that wouldn't cause pain, and by buying one for me he was actually saying "I'm not listening to you, it doesn't matter what you said."
Yes I said those same, blunt, exact words to H. our conversation when like this...
H: Would you like a laptop lap desk?
Me: Yes, I've been looking for one. (I even validated!!!)
H: there's one on sale I will get you
Me: Please don't buy it. I need to try them out on my lap before I buy to check the angle of my wrists to make sure it won't cause more pain as I type.
H: I saw it at ---- today. It looks good. It has a padded bottom.
Me: I will go and try it out to see if it hurts my wrists when I type. I have to check the angle it puts my wrists.
H: you can always return it.
Me: I don't have time to make 2 trips to stores. That's a waste of time for me. When I am out, I will check to see if it hurts me.
H came home with the lap desk.
(bang) (bang) (bang)
I get consistency from my work, my schooling and my kids.
Oh, and no D talk last night. I fell asleep before H came in to bed.
