@KD: Yes indeed for the most part, and when not there are skills learned and relearned, GAL and other distractions. I am good so long as the endorphin monkey is fed.
Sadly most WAS do not have some of these. Some seem to have distractions aplenty and support. If they’re anything like W’s then most of the distractions are hollow and the support focuses upon the negative.
W’s drive seems to have a negative focus. I think her anger stems from this. She must feel drained as it takes a lot of energy to maintain anger. When she appears happy she usually refers to some instance when she has had a comeuppance with me. As if we are competing somehow. A recent example is her visit with our grandchild and my inability to do likewise in the near term. The kids may be telling me what they think I wish to hear, but I do not think this is the case. Her actions and comments to them fit the mode she has been in.
On the other hand I have been told aside for some of the emotional turmoil I have weathered I seem happier and calmer than when the kids were growing up. The only person I am trying to keep happy is myself. From that perspective a weight has been lifted.
You are right it isn’t over until it is over. It won’t be over until I decide it is over. The D is just a milestone of this project, a bridge on this journey. I decide how I will be affected. I decide, for I control myself and how I act.
I posted this a long time ago. It is true still.
Sitting on my desk is a small glass jar containing black volcanic beach sand from a small pork chop shaped pacific island. The sand was a gift from my son three years ago. The glass jar with its image of six men raising a flag was to have been a Christmas present from W; it was lost to the drama. I decided to give to myself anyway.
When I begin to spiral I try and compare my drama to crossing that beach. I contemplate the drama experienced by the men crossing that beach sixty seven years ago. The drama experienced by the families of those men. My drama has no comparison.
To save anyone the Google search. The island is Iwo Jima. My son was on a work party preparing the Memorials for a ceremony. The volcanic ash is from Red Beach 1. Like so many other places this island is sacred ground.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
