I agree, starsky... I think it might have been with SD16 but I think it is a little inappropriate at that age, as well...
I adopted my D14 when she was 2. My W and her already had a well established co-dependency by the time I met them. It has been a long, uphill struggle to build a healthy, independent relationship with D14 over these years, but within the last few years things have really got better...
But in the mean time, my W has really had very... at best I would say, lax boundaries... when it comes to D14... through all the years...
Whether it be music or movies that were rated well above D14's age... or whether it was inclusion of D14 in "adult" conversations or my W not being careful about conversations when D14 might be in ear shot...
Sure, it's part of growing up... being with your parents at an adult party and hearing or seeing stuff that is a little too adult for our young years...
And I will tell you, it is hugely frustrating when I saw or now hear that my W is having these types of conversations with D14 (and even D9, sometimes; although with D9, there are more mature boundaries)... that my W's morals and ethics do not match my own... and there is nothing I can do about it...
So the only thing I can do is, when possible and appropriate, engage D14 (and D9) in conversation and pay attention to what their moral compasses might look like... if I feel they could use a little adjusting, then I give my thoughts on a subject such as infidelity or love and commitment or judgement of others or lying... you get the idea...
From what I read above, you reacted in a sitch based on a context that you perceived... all that tells me is that you might work on your detachment some more...
and also, tolerance...
While you may not agree with your W's morals and what she is instilling on your kids... All you can do as a father is to share your own belief systems with your kids and hope that a good balance sticks... but that even without the influence of you and your W, your kids will come to their own morals and so tolerance will be important to maintain your relationship with them...
