He just tried calling me like six times in an hour. I didn't answer because I was busy at work and had other things going on. Funny because if I did that to hik he would be upset. When I finally did talk to him he told me he was concerned and hoped that nothing had happened to me. It was nice to hear that.
Tonight I am taking the kids to see Mirror Mirror and out for pizza. Not gonna stick around here that's for sure.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
No No No. You have to stop that. If you keep gushing at every little positive thing he does, you WILL be the doormat. You're stronger than that where you don't need his validation.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Having a hard morning thus far. Yesterday had a great day with S birthday party. H and I worked as a team to put this party together and it was so strange that he feels we can't work and that he has no feelings. All seemed normal yesterday and I fought like mad to keep detached and to have no expectations.
This morning is very hard. I saw H looking at homes online and he told me he was taking a shower but I heard him on the phone with someone whom I think is the other woman. I am trying to detach no expectations but this hurts pure and simple. This detachment is not coming easy. I know I should be the woman only a fool would leave but I am having a hard time holding back the tears. any recommendations would be appreciated. I feel I am at the end of my rope.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I know what you are going through and I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. My W bought a house in town and moved out six weeks ago. Not much contact since. The pain in intense but Im surviving and you will to.
Yes, I need to GAL. He has obviously moved on. We went over everything last night and he is being very generous. He is obviously feeling guilt, but not remorse. I need to give him space. I notice if I do not answer his phone calls or his emails and go out on my own he is almost badgering me wanting me to respond.
As far as the other woman goes, I guess that is his choice to make. He mentioned something last night about me finding a boyfriend. I am by no means ready to enter into another relationship and at this point can't imagine ever being ready.
I am going back home to my family in Indiana this weekend. I always seem to recharge whenever I go back there so this should be good for my soul and for my self-esteem. I need to go dark from H. He wants us to be such good friends. I think we can co-parent effectively, but as far as being friends, that will be too painful. I need to come up with better detaching strategies. Any recommendations are appreciated.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So this weekend I am leaving to see my family. I cannot wait to escape the prison which I feel like I live in on a daily basis. I am leaving tomorrow after work. Normally I leave on Saturday AM, but since one of my 180s is to be a more fun, spontaneous mom I reserved a hotel in Chicago and we will stay the night there, swim in the pool, enjoy the continental breakfast and leave for my mother's that morning.
The other day I saw a strange woman's business card on my husband's nightstand. She happens to work in the same area of the state where I have been seeing unusual charges pop up on our credit card statement. I am finding it difficult to even look at him, let alone be civil to him. He has just turned into such a completely different person that I am just spinning. I think I need to go dark on him although it is hard when we are still living together and co-parenting together. He will smile, flirt and joke around with me and it hurts. I need to detach, but I am finding it hard to "lovingly" detach. My acting skills are really being put to the test. I am constantly fighting the urge to confront him. I have an appointment with a DB coach tomorrow night. I hope they can help because I feel like I am drowning.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. i remember when h moved out and when he got his own place - i could only see at the time that it was the worst thing in the world that could happen - to me it meant that it was the end.
if only i had known then what i have come to realize now - that it was the best thing for me. and i know your mind is saying no, no, no when you read that, but even i wouldn't have understood it at the time myself
when i was going through some of the mlc posts in the archives (and i'm sorry , right now i can't remember where i read this) i read about a woman telling how afterwards she realized that the best thing was that her h had moved out. living with them while they start this journey is HORRIBLE. BECAUSE THEY KEEP YOU IN IT 24/7
if he moves out you'll still be dealing with a lot - but at least you'll have breathing space between the "episodes"
now, 7 months later, after many 'attempts" on my part to maneuver h into moving back for son's sake, i finally realize that i DON"T want him in my home, unless he shows me that he truly truly wants to be here
you'll get there - and you'll find a tremendous amount of peace and freedom when you do - read as much as you can on these boards - what helped me a lot was to go find the stories of people who saved their marriages and read all their threads and saw the common developments and it's helped me to realize that it's a long long tumultuous process and the sooner i let go, the faster the process will go
ultimately whether you work it out with h or not, you HAVE to detach either way, so you may as well start right away. you're lucky you're here so early in your sitch - i didn't find this place for over 5 months
what has helped me the most to detach was to start turning the focus towards what and who i was and how i functioned, and taking the focus AWAY from what h was doing and how he functioned.
it's too easy to focus on the "bad" they are doing, because then we can avoid the real underlying issue of why it happened in the first place and how much we LBS's played a role in that
so give yourself a huge big mental hug (there's no one around to give you one for a good long while, so start taking care of yourself) and go GAL and start on your 180's
big hugs
zig
ps. you are NOT drowning - you are much stronger than you realize:)
while you're finding your feet again, just focus on restraining yourself - don't confront - don't argue, don't try to convince him - just keep reading the 37 rules for breakfast lunch and dinner!
and most of all FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT and act as if you're fine- if he sees you being pathetic and weepy it confirms further for him that he's right to leave - don't give him more fuel for his fire - he's going to be looking for it and pushing for it incessantly
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
