bb - Ces told me a story about some friends of his who were able to forgive their spouses for adultry and I guess all the bad stuff, and I think go on to a better M.

I'm like you I think. It seems almost impossible to imagine.

I know you are in an awful place in deciding what to do. Whatever you do I admire your strength and honesty and have fsith that you will make the right decision. Just don't sell yourself short, you're worth (and your kids) a lot more than accepting to live less than your value.