Don't give up just yet. You've been doing so well being patient and giving your H space to "cope". You're an incredibly strong woman, you can do this!
As a side note, have you read "Not Just Friends"? I'm slowly getting through it now. It has some good stuff. Although sometimes it's hard when H is lying in bed next to me, and as I'm reading the book, I want to say some things I just read...and it's hard not to. I wonder at what point is it ok to mention to them things we've learned from the book. I assume that they would have to be at least interested in recommitting.
