gunny, I am going to agree with a lot of what has been previously said here.
If you're ready to move on, then you go ahead and agree to file. However, if it's not what you want, let your W go ahead and file and do the heavy lifting. Do what you need to do to protect yourself. If you don't know, sit on it until you can determine where you are.
IOW, do what's right for you.
If you need to come to Ohio, you have a place to stay.
Good morning all, back to do some journaling. Taxes are done, we ended up owing, which is the norm since I underwithold every year to put the money to good use throughout the year. Suggested to w to we divide the figure she immediately agreed, no problem.
Our correspondance continues to be super friendly, she called me here at work last week, first time I have talked to her on the phone for months. She wanted to go over the figures for the taxes, final tabulation of my move(leftover security money), how our dog was doing, and how the sale of our vacation cabin was going. Very friendly conversation. She asked me if I would like to take my dog for a couple of weeks in the summer when she goes on vacation. I immediately said yes, she could have asked her sister to watch him, but she said she thought I would like the opportunity.
At the same time, she is adamant about wanting to press forward on the d, I contacted the Divorce Center(a service here that will complete and file your d app for total of $650 (only works if d is amicable) they will be sending me the first part of the app, She has said she will be paying the full costs.
As I have read here on the boards, it seems that the WAS must have the d in order to move forward in their lives, whereever that may be. As the months have gone on, our correspondance has become progressively more comfortable and friendly. I know this can change in a heartbeat, and I am not reading into it, but it does give me a measure of comfort in knowing that at least we are still friendly, which is a far cry from the stories I hear when I go to my divorce support meetings.
Thanks for listening all, hope you are all hanging in their if not thriving,!!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Hello Tonibertha, Even though I initially did not want the d, the fact that she has moved to another state has pretty much made the point moot. If she filed in her state, I would have to appear, which in the totality of things (me being left behind to deal with taxes, moving issues, landlord issues, selling of vacation cabin, the emotional baggage of being the lbs, etc etc,)has made we realize that the easiest thing to do to expedite thingss the process is for me to file in my state and end the process relatively quickly. It is clear to me that is what she wants, i could fight it, but to what end?
As they say, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Thanks for asking, I will have to read up on your situation, have a good day!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Gunny: I have been dark for a while, and it is good hear you are moving forward. Given your situation, I think filing is just fine. As with me, it is obvious the D is a check box for your W, needed for her to move forward wherever she is going. Like you, I did the D for her. Perhaps some day they will recognize how much we really do care.
I am now 2 months into the D/LS. My W went dark immediately after, taking refuge with an old boyfriend. Now she has realized that is not what she wants, and she is back in her house solo, trying to figure out how to move forward. Obviously still fighting depression. She has contacted me twice in the past couple of weeks for the first time. I am trying to figure out if I should contact her occassionally, or just stay dark. Not sure what to do.
I am glad spring is here, and GAL activities can ratchet up. Hang in there, and be strong.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Do it because it's something you need Gunny. Don't take care of her... even if this is something she wants that doesn't mean it's your job.
If you want to end the uncertainty, avoid the difficulties of divorcing in another state, legally protect yourself... then do it. Those are all valid reasons. Heck, just saying your done with this cr*p and it's time to move on is valid too. We all have our limits.
But she's not an invalid... if her highest priority really was divorcing then she would have. Clearly it's not her highest priority. This is not the same as saying she doesn't want it... she may still want it, it's just not high enough on the to do list. Perhaps it's financial. Or she's fine with things they way they are. Maybe she likes having her marriage as a safety net... after all if it all falls apart she is still married, right? Or maybe setting up a new life is really hard and crazy, and she just hasn't had time or is overwhelmed. Who the heck knows?
But if you feel like it brings you to a better spot then you should feel free to do it. It's just a transitory state... only when you really move on and completely close the book is it over. Divorce is just a legal step.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Hello folks, All good comments. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Yes, living in limbo for me is not a good place to be, I find myself wanting closure. Getting a d for me is bittersweet, in that I am glad we are both able to work this out without even having to use a mediator(we did consult one), because of all the horror stories I have heard about protracted battles with lawyers.
On the other hand, it is sad to think that a 12 year m can be ended in 8 weeks for 650 dollars, wham, bam, thank you maam. Guess its a case of having my cake and eating it too, but I would like to think our marriage meant more than just a legal form.
Oh well, off to the mountains for the holiday, hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
