Outside the Scope of This Report 4

[WenikiTiki]

Well! I got the man cave done. My 4 year old granddaughter went in and looked around and said: "It looks very comfy in here." To me it looks like a motel room. I hung one thing up for him, a photo of him in college when he wrestled.

My DIL thought it was the perfect finishing touch for the room. I was pondering should I put a sign on the door saying: ______'s Room and a sign on the door of my room saying: Wendy's Room.

DIL said, no, the picture of him tells it all......

My living room, family room and office have stuff piled everywhere. I am trying to do one room at a time. And need to figure out why it is that I have so much stuff.

I did realize that I used to have a lot more parties. I have a lot of serving platters, fancy serving dishes, more than I can ever use. I need to pare it down to what I actually use.

I was down lower than a snakes belly earlier. I was grumpy and snapping at people. I decided to just not let this all bother me. My boys were helping move big stuff. My oldest son and I are the only ones not sick. There was a lot of grumbling.

I finally told them all that I rarely ask for help. And that I really wanted to get the stuff moved. It is helping me visualize a different future. And maybe they can't see how that is important to me.

But it is. I wanted things to be different when H returns from his trip. And they will be. I want him to walk in here and see that we are separated. He will have his part of the house, I will have mine.

I also want him to have that strange feeling of being in the same old house, but having to say, wait, that isn't where my clothes are. Wait, that isn't my bathroom. I have been thrown for a loop, and want a little bit of normalcy back.

And sleeping in the same bedroom, same bed, same dressers is helping me. I still feel a little panicy, but it is getting easier to think about the future.

And when I think about H and wonder how it is so easy for him to go days and days without even texting me, I start saying silly things in my head.

Here are my top 10:

We're separated, We're separated, We're separated, etc.

I'm a page he has turned, I'm no longer his concern.

Detach, Detach, Detach.....

Going thru the Big D and don't mean Dallas. (Sorry, but it makes me laugh. I was asking some insurance questions and the gal couldn't even say divorce, she said Big D.)

I sing songs in my head, like Tammy Wynette's D-I-V-O-R-C-E,
Rodney Crowell's "If Looks Could Kill", Jon Anderson's "Let Go of the Stone".

I turn on the "Traditional Country" station on Direct TV. Dang, are all old counry songs about broken hearts? It makes me feel worse, then soon I'm laughing at myself. There are as many broken hearts out there as there are stars in the sky.

I know I will get over this. I know there will be a new and interesting chapter in my life. So I just need to get through this boring, tedious and sad chapter!

Tomorrow I will power through the pile in the master bathroom. The bedroom turned out great. I put some things back where I had them when we fIrst moved in. And tried out a whole new look for nightstands.

Both boys reported that they each got one text from their father in the 5 days he has been gone. Believe it or not, that is more than he has ever done before.