Wow, has it really been 3 months since I posted? Time flies when you're banging you head against the wall.
Nothing new has happened. Still status quo, until I tell H I want a divorce. Yes, I've come to grips and this is what needs to happen.
Here was my night tonight...
H: So are you going to support me in this and vote for me? (remember, he's decided to run for office)
Me: It's a bit late to be asking my opinion isn't it? You've already filed, and gotten donors and gone to political meetings.
H: I did ask you and talk about it.
Me: Uh, no. I came home and at dinner you hung up the phone and announced "I got my first $100 campaign contribution!". That was our discussion.
H: I"ve been talking about this for years
Me: That I realize, however it's been about 8 years with no action. It would have been nice to have had even a small conversation about the impact on the family.
H: No, I remember talking about it, because you said you wouldn't vote for me.
Me: My vote doesn't mean support. I can support you in your endeavor as a spouse, however when I walk into that voting booth, I am a citizen and as such I vote for who I believe holds my best interests at heart- and that choice is between me and the machine. And I said that over a year ago. There was never a time frame or plan of action discussed.
H: So, are you going to support me?
Me: First, I am supporting you. It's your choice, you obviously don't need my permission. Second, I do support you, however you need to know I won't lie. If we are at a function and I am asked a question I will not violate my core beliefs to match your political stance. I won't and I can't. I will not lie about my education beliefs, my religious beliefs, or my political beliefs. We do not agree on most things, so I am letting you know this up front. My career would be blown if I lied or skewed my opinion.
H: You could ask how you can help. If you're waiting for me then that's wrong. ((I know right- that was the kicker for me))
Me: How can I help when I don't even know what the he!! you are doing????
then he tried to throw stuff back in my face, which was a total fail, since 1) he was there in the kitchen when S decided on his trip, 2) we had a huge family meeting when I decided to start my doctorate, 3) H started his master's and there was no meeting or discussion (I didn't even know!) and 4) I decided to apply for a new position and what do ya know- I asked for his and the kids opinions!!!
I am honestly and completely going nuts.
one minute he's saying he values my opinion and my knowledge on things because I'm brilliant (his words), the next he's either ignoring my opinion and the research I spewed from memory or he's not even asking.
Stop the roller coaster, it's time to get off. I'm so scatter brained I can't concentrate on my papers or school work. I was hoping unloading here would help.... not so much as of yet.
Plus side to today? Only 2 days until opening day!!!
