I have to be honest, I have a huge lump in my throat and the tears are back. I know he has no respect for me and he has been manipulating me, but I am still grieving. We have 20 years of history and not all of it was bad. It is a hard day.
Understandable. It's hard and sh!tty....
But remember its not about your H respecting you. It's about YOU respecting you. Do you believe that? How can you get to that point....
... because once you do, this will become much easier. It's not that you will demand respectful from others.. it will be that you respect yourself to the point where you won't accept anything less.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
You are absolutely right KD, and I did do just that. Typically I will decide and set up the initial rotation (Christmas with his family means Easter with mine). So I went ahead and let H make the call this morning and left it at that. I won't bring it up again. I will miss the boys very much but will see them on Monday (they are off from school and I plan to take them to lunch)
My nature is to be honest, respectful and kind. I won't let that change now. I will continue to be that through all of this, and know that my kids will benefit.
Thank you Val, I definitely do get that. It is not always easy to practice (for me) but I will work at it every day. I so appreciate you breaking that down.
I've been busy with work and had a nice lunch with a friend. I am feeling quite good right now. My kids just stopped in my office after school and we had a good laugh, they are super funny kids. I'm so proud of them and glad for the relationship we have.
Autumn , Kaffe you also need to work this out for the remainder of the year/ number of years before the children can decide. And you should work it out before hand. As there will always be a next time / can we alter it.... I forgot .... I changed my mind.
There will even be times you think/know they "dumped" the kids on you out of an inconvenience.
S17 has a bit of year left. Then its his choice. Not either of yours. But it needs to be worked out for S15.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
In autumn's case, they're flying by the seat of their pants right now. Autumn, it would be great if you could get your hands on co-parenting tools and set about working on a kid schedule with your H. There's a couple good (and free) online, shared calendars for this purpose.
That is also great ground work in the event that the D or an SA goes forward, this stuff will likely need to be done anyhow. The more you do now about that, the less it might cost you in legal fees to work this out.
In my case, it's black and white in the SA, but the SA also states "flexibility" as agreed upon by both, at any time... in all fairness, I do like and appreciate the flexibility option... Unfortunately in my case, my W has finally found her "spontaneity" so I usually don't know about changes until the very last moment...
Of course, that hindsight might make me think that I should have had a "week in advance" clause for flexibility... but then again, to fight with my W over the kids... to throw the SA / kid schedule in my W's face... is that really worth it?
Nah... life happens... we need to flow with the go... hear, think, act in positive ways... rather than reacting in negative ways, such as punitive measures...
Originally Posted By: chatterbug
There will even be times you think/know they "dumped" the kids on you out of an inconvenience.
This I know (feel) all too well. My W appears to choose her monthly weekend based on her social calendar. I've had to work hard on thought stopping the "why is she..." and just enjoying the times I have with my kids...
I don't think I really needed to post the above... but what the heck... I did it, anyhow...
Hi Kaffee what would happen if you were both busy? I am experiencing this with the woman I am dating. Her ex started out by cutting out a few hours here and there. Then it just kept growing and growing. And he is slowly removed himself from being a father. Now she has to address this situation. And get it resolved.
When you allow them to be a parent when they want to you are hurting the children. They are not having the opportunity to redevelop the relationship. Or they figure out that they are a burden. Which is what they are if they are being dumped for a date , concert , short trip, sleep over ... etc.... And they will figure this out soon enough. Which creates more life long issues.
I think that this is an opportunity to set a healthy boundary on communication between you two on the subject of your children. That way it can be communicated to your children in advance so they can be ready as well. This also shows to the children that their well being was taken into account as well. And that the both of you are working together to make sure they have a safe environment at all times.
Remember that the current flexibility is only flexible for one person here. Positive for them. Negative for everyone else. Resentment will grow. It is only a matter of time.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
My xH is a total douche, but youve both given me pause...
At the very least, he is always completely interested in having the boys, and has only had a time or two that he asked me to cover for him... And, it was done ahead of time, respectfully, and no pressure.
Autumn and I have talked offline quite a bit. My xH and her H are pretty similar. I suspect, based on our conversations, and what she's written recently, he'll be involved.
I feel so bad for the kids involved w/your families (tesco's gf). How would you like to be the left behind children? . Now, Im sad.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
. Now, Im sad.