One thing I've been thinking a lot about (you know me) is how the DB mentality overemphasizes thinking about and analyzing stuff too much. (Yes, I know that whole sentence reeks of irony).
Don't over-analyze too much. Let things just go. Have fun. If it's not fun, give it a day or two and see if the fun returns. You're a great dad, and your W is no slouch either. Just have fun, no pressure, don't worry about her motivations. You're a smart guy who will be able to tell if things are "right" or heading in the "right" direction.
I know that's hard to do because of your career training, but as my 6 year old told me yesterday, "girls are complicated," and trying to break down each of their actions/words/responses/feelings will lead you to a frontal lobotomy. Paralysis by analysis if you KWIM?
Enjoy these good times, you've worked hard for them. _________________________ The best things in life aren't things.
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#96511 - 04/20/11 05:01 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: flowmom] kimmie lee Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 2738 Loc: SEATTLE, WA Originally Posted By: flowmom Originally Posted By: Danf Dude, (I think) most women have been planning out getting married and their wedding day since they were little girls. (Ladies, correct me if I am wrong!) LOL, I was planning to be an independent globe-trotting careerwoman for as long as possible grin
Dan, you are right on about this. They just want a wedding and then they just find a groom to plug into the scenario. Lame.
And have you ever noticed how the bride is always beaming like a cat that swallowed the canary in wedding photos? And the groom usually has that deer-in-the-headlights look like, "Oh God, I have been sooooo had! Tagged, bagged, and out the door...." smile
BTW, like FM, I didn't spend my teen years perusing Bridal magazines and was/am fine being single. In fact, I think that I'll just stay single now and take a string of lovers as I see fit. I know that I don't want to live with anyone again, or have to answer to anyone again.
The so-called "American Dream" is nothing more than a sham anyway; farcical, really. It just doesn't exist except on "Leave It To Beaver."
Hey, FM, get a babysitter and let's go to Cabo!! grin _________________________ THE FOG comes on little cat feet.
It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on....C. Sandburg
Registered: 12/29/10 Posts: 524 Add me to the club. Never dreamed of the big wedding and all the hoopla. I've always been uber independent, but now that I am married, I see the value in having a partner. I love being a wife...
Registered: 11/09/10 Posts: 5058 Loc: TX I played wedding as a little girl all the time. Knew exactly what kind of dress I wanted. With no prompting from me, my D5 has already planned out her wedding - she's going to wear "Mama's gettin' married dress" and have a party in my back yard, then she and her husband will live in my house and I will live next door. She will get a big car because she will have 4 kids (and let them do WHATEVER they want because she won't be mean like me), and she will drive me wherever I want to go and if I'm nice I get to sit in the front seat. The groom will likely be A, a boy in her class who has already proposed, but if he gets cooties she'll settle for B, the son of a friend. I suspect that Busto's D5 may be planning a wedding with the "older man" next door wink I love little girls!
I like being married. I hope to find a wonderful partner for me one day and marry again.
I'm glad that your W seems to be deciding to be your partner again, Busto.
Your call on whether you've seen enough changes in your W to reassure you that it's time bring the kids into it. I do think a weekend away for the two of you could be very beneficial. _________________________ D6, S2
I didn't recover my marriage; I recovered me.
Separated Oct 2010 Divorced Jun 2011 New journey Nov 2011 with Night + D4
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 I like the idea of having dreams and making plans together. That is one of the things that makes a marriage so wonderful.
It's encouraging to me that the Mrs. has places she wants to go with you. She sounds like she is considering a future again.
Set the bar high. Check in for help when she pulls out the big guns.
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#96539 - 04/20/11 06:06 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] kimmie lee Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 2738 Loc: SEATTLE, WA Originally Posted By: bustorama Hey everyone. So appreciative of all the feedback. Touching base SUPER quickly cause I just got a huge TOMORROW deadline dropped on me and my group. Life goes on in the midst of all this, eh?
I haven't gotten into any R, MC, retro, "plan" talk with my W since I last posted. I did say that I thought we should take things slow and she agreed. I said I have to make a decision here too, you know. She said something the next day that, "You said you didnt like me anymore and you had to make a decision."
I'm still trying to get a sense from her actions and words of where she is coming from, what her motivation is, what her understanding of her own role in things is, and of her behavior and choices. She seems more now like the W I fell in love with and less the foreign W, but with a veneer/wall of fear still. Hopefully, she will choose to act lovingly despite those feelings.
She continues to reach out to me (calling me, txting me, suggesting we get together). On Saturday we hung out at our pool/gym, which is almost like a resort. That was nice cause the kids could be put in the day care while we hung out together for a couple of hours. We flirted with each other and had a good time in and out of the pool. She said I looked really fit, I said something like, maybe if you're lucky you can see how fit.
She said she wanted to go on a vacation with me, and I said where would your dream vacation be, and she said somewhere tropical like Bora Bora or I would settle for Palm Springs. I said something like yeah I haven't taken you anywhere hot with water in awhile, have I? Then she said she wanted to go to Vegas in Mandalay Bay that she loved it there (that's one of the places we stopped when we were first dating). So, I said yeah let's have a little getaway, and we are figuring out long weekend dates for that, probably next month.
I took her to this new little brunch places that does crepes and mimosas that she liked on Sunday AM. She suggested maybe we could go back there for mother's day? She also said she wanted to go to dinner with me at this Italian place she has had her eye on for awhile.
It's funny, Rob, I was looking through this old transcript of messages I had with her when we first started dating (I had it bound and gave it to her one Valentine's Day), and you can totally see the high value view in me then. I am alot better now than I was before and still getting back to there, the flirty, playful, high-value self-respect. I said stuff then like, so you want to hang out with me, huh, when are you gonna fly me up? Hmmm, my man [Bleep!] services might be available, for the right person, etc.
In addition to the phone/txt contact through the day and evening, there are some positive signs in her actions, she leans up against me for me to hug her, she has initiated a few kisses (nothing passionate yet tho) and hugs. I'm trying not to push that and let it come from her.
Something I am VERY happy to see is she seems more emotionally stable now. Much less crisis mode. I think some of that was wrapped up in her PMS-time and maybe the Lexapro is continuing to help her. I do not want to be the rescuer guy.
Our mutual friends have been helpful in that they have older daughters and they have "volunteered" their older daughters to babysit the girls. My oldest daughter is best friends with their youngest so it works out. And my 5 year old has a crush on their 6 year old boy, so she doesn't mind either, hehe. They live almost next door, so it is convenient and are friends with both me and W. They may be the only couple that has clearly remained friends with each of us.
I've been keeping up with work and exercise. I had a comedic drunk long run gone bad Saturday night, then a real 12 miler on Monday. I have another half mara coming up beginning of June so time to get cracking again.
We do have some "family" things anticipated coming up? One is Easter, W wants us to go to service and Easter brunch/egg hunting activities etc. together. Thoughts on that? W also seems to expect we will do Mother's Day together? Thoughts?
I haven't told my parents or sister about any of these developments. Superstitiously afraid of jinxing things or of getting their hopes up and then having them come crashing down, kind of like protecting the girls.
Your w seems to be "expecting" you to just do a lot of stuff that SHE wants.
A little bit of cool, a little mystery from you may be in order here. A bit of aloofness now and then doesn't hurt. _________________________ THE FOG comes on little cat feet.
It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on....C. Sandburg
GOSH!! GOLLY!!
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
