Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 Quote: She just needs someone to take care of her financially
This is all that I see.
Want to be sure...polygraph her. If you don't...you will never know...well, that is until its too late.
eta..never mind. I just refreshed myself about your situation. Since YOU were the one that had the affair, I would say let her back if that is her desire.
Edited by Medc (04/12/11 09:42 AM) _________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
medcmbers@zoominternet.net
Top
#93371 - 04/12/11 12:49 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: catperson] rob x Member
Registered: 11/12/10 Posts: 1383 Originally Posted By: catperson Yeah, I was thinking the same thing: cringing when you said you were hugging her in front of the kids. You two are their whole world. Just like a dog watches his master for cues, your kids are focused on y'all's actions to get a cue for their future. If she's not really changing, but using you - and it REALLY sounds like it to me - then eventually you're going to catch on and have to drop her again. And that will be double disastrous to the kids because NOW they are already expecting you two to be back together because you're hugging and kissing and whatnot.
Please please please do NOT let her back home for AT LEAST 6 more months. It's going to take her that long in therapy to get anywhere. It's worth the sacrifice if you want to focus on another 30 years together.
Totally agree, your kids are watching every move you make, they're like little recorders, it's a survival mechanism, they watch your actions and will repeat them, that's just how we're all built.
That being said, you know the personal actions on your part that helped contribute to this mess, have you taken care of yourself and eliminated those bad habits? Be sure of this, regardless if you and your wife reconcile, your actions are being closely watched by your little ones: good habits, bad habits, it doesn't matter, they will see them all even the times when you don't notice yourself doing them.
As for your wife, you will know she wants to come back, she will be genuine about it, based on your posts I really can't tell if her actions are genuine or not. Is she coming to you now out of desperation, maybe doesn't want to live alone, maybe she had a relationship with another man which failed and she doesn't want to be alone and views you as a stable secure backup plan, maybe there was no other man and all this time on her own has given her time to consider what she really wants, it's all very hard to tell from our end. Regardless of what happens, have compassion for yourself, your wife, your kids and pray for clarity so that you know what to decide when the time is right.
Edited by rob x (04/12/11 09:18 PM) Edit Reason: just because _________________________ “Man’s proper stature is not one of mediocrity, failure, frustration, or defeat, but one of achievement, strength, and nobility. In short, man can and ought to be a hero.”
Top
#93493 - 04/12/11 05:17 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: rob x] LovingAnyway Board of Directors Treasurer Member
Registered: 08/05/10 Posts: 2214 Great advice being given a great guy.
She says she wants her old life back...ask her for her plan to achieve what she wants.
What's her plan?
LA _________________________ The Paradoxical Commandments
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Mark Twain
Registered: 10/17/10 Posts: 4320 Loc: WI This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ _________________________ Me45 D Final(sort of) 7/13/11
My life has been extraordinary, blessed and cursed at once. (Billy Corgan - Smashing Pumpkins)
Top
#93807 - 04/13/11 09:08 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: TimeHeals] Don Man Don Member
Registered: 11/26/10 Posts: 926 Originally Posted By: TimeHeals Quote: She had a "purging with her psychic"?!
I don't even know what that means. scratch
It means she got dumped!
On of the biggest mistakes waywards make is put all their eggs into the new basket. When in reality all they are are a couple of cheaters cheating. When in reality their feet do smell, the drunken sex and drunken arguments are no different then drunken sex and drunken arguments they left behind, 'The Bank Of Trying To Get Down Yer Pants' goes broke too or starts looking for new endeavours to invest in, and if you're just out to have a good time, those damn kids get in the way.
Follow reality. Always have a back up plan!
Top
#93812 - 04/13/11 09:13 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] TimeHeals Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 2324 Loc: Tennessee Quote: It means she got dumped!
Probably.
Dumped and then jumped the rails trying to find meaning in it all, so shell out 50 bucks to some charlatan with a flexible belief system that will help make it all make sense to you when you refuse to accept the obvious. _________________________ Your Time Perspective Can Heal Mend the broken, make strong the weak and vanquish the evil.
Top
#93818 - 04/13/11 09:21 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] Danf Member
Registered: 10/17/10 Posts: 4320 Loc: WI Originally Posted By: Don Man Don Originally Posted By: TimeHeals Quote: She had a "purging with her psychic"?!
I don't even know what that means. scratch
It means she got dumped!
'The Bank Of Trying To Get Down Yer Pants' goes broke too or starts looking for new endeavours to invest in....
LOVE IT! _________________________ Me45 D Final(sort of) 7/13/11
My life has been extraordinary, blessed and cursed at once. (Billy Corgan - Smashing Pumpkins)
Top
#94025 - 04/13/11 05:54 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] Not2fun Member
Registered: 09/06/10 Posts: 1388 Loc: Gateway to the West Originally Posted By: Don Man Don It means she got dumped!
Ahhhh yes.....this makes sense!!!
Oh wait.....
Except.....
Mrs. Buster did NOT have the affair!!!!! A fact many seem to forget when commenting on this situation......
Buster,
I sincerly hope you have a PLAN in mind for Mrs. Buster on how to repair this marriage. Be it counseling, a marriage conference with follow up, something. I think it would be unrealistic to think she would have any concrete thoughts on HOW to go about it. It's the time where YOU should be presenting your research that you have been doing......
Not2fun _________________________ If you aren't being transparent, then you aren't being authentic. If you aren't being authentic, then you are being a hypocrite."
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 Hi Not2fun, thanks for dropping by as well. .
My plan includes Retrouvaille (with follow-up) (the next local one isn't until June 10 here in my city) -- that's a little farther off than I would like (2 months), because ideally I would like that to be a sort of jump start towards reconciliation, opening up trust, communication, healing, bonding, etc.
Then coming back to a local pro-marriage, solution-oriented MC that specializes in intimacy, trust and recovery from infidelity. I vetted this MC back in August and spoke to him on the phone about our sitch but chose not to see him by myself so I wouldn't "spoil" him for us. He specializes in recovery from infidelity and has written a book about it.
For home stuff, my plan also would include the MB 15-20 hr/week of together time with us "working" the EN questionnaire and either the Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness videoconference package, the Love Dare book exercise, or some version of the Marriage Builders workbook?
I would like for the two of us to take a getaway vacation away from the kids somewhere fun also somewhere in the process, probably later in??
And at least 1 date night per week as a standard!
I am not sure that us moving back in together right away is the right thing for us for a few reasons. One practical issue is we have talked about some remodeling stuff for the house, and it would be nice to keep the apartment while that is going on (1-2 months). I could continue staying in the upstairs of the house and visiting the apartment while that is going on.
You are right when I asked her what her plan was she said she really didnt have one that she is still so emotionally all over the place that she hasnt had time to think about particulars of how, just that she does want to come back and work on things. She said she wanted to hear my plan this weekend after she finishes some work deadlines that finish on Friday.
I don't want to overwhelm her in my idea of a "PLAN" right off the bat with lots of things to read or tons of activities to do. Not sure if the above seems like too much?
Other ideas?
Oh, I think also full transparency (giving her password access to all my email, FB, etc. etc.). I think I would like the same from her as well, but not sure if that would seem like a violation of her if she really did not have any sort of EA, etc. on her end Maybe the transparency stuff should be discussed later once there is momentum or 3rd party facilitator involved???
Edited by bustorama (04/13/11 07:08 PM) _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 What would you consider action? _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 Well, when she gets some counseling. Or brings out the big guns and decides you are F-able. Or asks what she needs to do to win you back. Things like that. _________________________ In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
Registered: 11/09/10 Posts: 5058 Loc: TX Does she need to win Busto back when she left because of his actions and his refusal to fully participate in MC?
Busto's wife did a great job of getting him to make all the changes that she needed to see to be in the marriage. Kudos to her - and to Busto!
I think transparency goes both ways. You should have access to her stuff too.
Because you have kids and because you have so much baggage to sort through, I think you need to take this really slow. Start dating again - just the two of you. Keep separate places to live - and make sure W is still financially responsible for her stuff. Don't take over for her and keep the custody agreement in place too. I wouldn't let the kids see you together for a while. Then you can integrate family time, and then, after that's gone well, living together.
Your kids are young. They are going to be confused. You need to move really slow just in case either of you decide this isn't going to work. _________________________ D6, S2
I didn't recover my marriage; I recovered me.
Separated Oct 2010 Divorced Jun 2011 New journey Nov 2011 with Night + D4
Top
#94228 - 04/13/11 11:45 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Not2fun] Don Man Don Member
Registered: 11/26/10 Posts: 926 Originally Posted By: Not2fun Originally Posted By: Don Man Don It means she got dumped!
Ahhhh yes.....this makes sense!!!
Oh wait.....
Except.....
Don't be naive. You are being naive.
Almost 7 billion people plus. It ain't too hard to find someone less neglectful than your husband.
How many of you all flirt because you aren't getting it at home?
Don't be naive. You're naive.
Top
#94328 - 04/14/11 10:01 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] rob x Member
Registered: 11/12/10 Posts: 1383 Originally Posted By: bustorama ...You are right when I asked her what her plan was she said she really didnt have one that she is still so emotionally all over the place that she hasnt had time to think about particulars of how, just that she does want to come back and work on things. She said she wanted to hear my plan this weekend after she finishes some work deadlines that finish on Friday.
Call me cynical, call me a skeptic, call me whatever you want, just don't call me late for dinner.
I'm not feeling it.
If she REALLY wanted to come back, she would make it top priority on her list. Why does she mention work deadlines? This marriage stuff is important to me but I'm kinda busy, can we talk about it when I'm less busy?
You're still guiding this and it's not working for me.
She left you, and I'm sure she had a relationship with another guy in your absence or at least tried to have one and it didn't work out.
You are still not top priority.
And your plan, well let's just say it's overwhelming for me, let alone how it will feel to your wife who as per your own post is all over the place emotionally - which means she's experiencing a ton of different emotions, you're in that mix but it isn't just you.
Take a look at your plan: - retrovaille - local pro marriage counseling - 15-20 hours per week of together time (good luck with that, that math doesn't work, especially if you have kids unless you plan on having someone else watch the kids the entire week, because you're looking at an average of 2-3 hours of "together time" per day which I'm assuming is only about the both of you, no kids included) - WORKING the EN questionnaire - Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness videoconference pkg - the Love Dare book exercise - Marriage Builders workbook - getaway vacation - 1 date night per week
- Do you guys plan on working jobs during all of this time as well?
It's way too strong in my opinion, and working really hard on a marriage makes it feel like... work and boy how fun that can be.
Slow is fast, Fast is slow.
Stop going Fast.
Slow down.
I like the vacation idea, the date night idea is good too, take a break from having to work on this marriage and attack each weakness with a logical approach because you will give yourself very high expectations and when you don't meet them you will be disappointed in yourself and your spouse and that will lead you down the path of resentment, you will feel like she isn't trying hard enough or vice versa.
Take a break from the analytical approach, the brute force method will not work here. _________________________ “Man’s proper stature is not one of mediocrity, failure, frustration, or defeat, but one of achievement, strength, and nobility. In short, man can and ought to be a hero.”
Top
#94333 - 04/14/11 10:15 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: rob x] Pinhead Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 627 Busto,
I think Rob is right on the money here. You two really need to reconnect at a very simple level here before you try to "fix" things. I would date her, maybe once a week tops. Nothing super serious, just fun stuff. See if she's still fun. Don't talk about the girls, just enjoy dinner or a movie or coffee or something. See if you still LIKE each other. Pretend you don't have all of this baggage.
Do that for a month or so, maybe 5 dates total. Then think about how it feels.
There are a ton of warning signs to beware of, and Rob is right, you have a tendency to be too analytical. Reminds me of someone I know... wink
If you go through with your "plan," you're going to overwhelm her with pressure to fix everything all at once. Picture this as a small flame that you want to slowly and carefully fan into a fire. Give it too much fuel and oxygen at the beginning and you'll smother it.
And another thing you might consider, is while you're dating your wife, date some of the other women in your area... _________________________ The best things in life aren't things.
Top
#94337 - 04/14/11 10:31 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: rob x] bustorama Member
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 The "work" thing is not just low priority. She really is screwed up emotionally at the moment and she has low tolerance for anything in her life now -- she feels totally overburdened with her work. Right now, she has to work an average of 4-5 hours EACH NIGHT after getting home from work and you can see this would be challenging on nights that she has the girls.
At her IC appointment this week, her therapist suggested that she needed to check herself into a hospital and take a 1-month inpatient mental health leave from work. A couple of weeks ago her therapist similarly suggested she needed to take 2 weeks off of work for emergency mental health work. I'm not sure I've conveyed well enough how rough off she is emotionally right now. I see her wanting to delay to the weekend as she basically can't take anything else on her plate at the moment and wants to get to the weekend when she doesn't have her work stuff on her plate as well.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I, like you, am concerned that both her own emotional state and her workload (combined with our kid load) will make it hard for her to reconcile effectively. I mean I get your point that if now even at the outset she barely has the time or emotional investment to prioritize it, that she doesnt feel it enough to put other things on the backburner, that it may be a poor harbinger. That she doesn't really have the "right" motivation.
Re: my plan being excessive and smacking her over the head with brute force, I see what you mean. Still, I do think SOMEWHERE in our initial recovery we need some 3rd party thing (in addition to a vacation and fun stuff like date night). I mean we both have trust issues, possible mutual infidelity, my years of neglect and basically emotional abuse before that, blended family issues. We have baggage galore and I think we need professional help early on to help us deal with it. I mean I could see date nights and vacations maybe not going so well if they are too early in the process and some healing/rapproachment hasnt happened yet?
I have been more or less sitting back since her initial call and since she agreed to talk about things on Saturday. She is still texting and calling me during day to talk, still saying We this, We that. When "we go over to mutual friend's house, we need to watch D3 with their kids, etc. etc.." You are right though that she isnt banging down the door to get back into my life (can you come over, can I come over, do you want to go out just with me this weekend and hang out, etc. etc.). I'm not "feeling" that and have to restrain myself not to act that way towards her. She did say she wanted to get together over the weekend with the kids (this is my weekend with the kids). Normally, I would want to get a sitter forthe kids and have us go dosomething fun, but you and others seem to be telling me that would be me pushing things too much if she is not feeling the way she should be feeling? _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Top
#94343 - 04/14/11 11:03 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] rob x Member
Registered: 11/12/10 Posts: 1383 Originally Posted By: bustorama Re: my plan being excessive and smacking her over the head with brute force, I see what you mean. Still, I do think SOMEWHERE in our initial recovery we need some 3rd party thing (in addition to a vacation and fun stuff like date night). I mean we both have trust issues, possible mutual infidelity, my years of neglect and basically emotional abuse before that, blended family issues. We have baggage galore and I think we need professional help early on to help us deal with it. I mean I could see date nights and vacations maybe not going so well if they are too early in the process and some healing/rapproachment hasnt happened yet?
There you go "thinking" again, who taught you such a nasty habit?
wink
Slow is fast.
Did you require a 3rd party to be involved when you started dating and going out?
Focus on fun.
If you want to go out on dates with her, once a week, once every 2 weeks, go ahead, but keep it low keep and don't invest yourself 100% into the process, be cool about it, don't come on too strong and definitely don't bring up relationship talk, live in the present.
Why invest in MC and Retro and vacations if you can't even go out on dates and be comfortable with each other without having the looming spectre of relationship talk hanging over your heads?
Go out several times, date like you originally did, after a few dates, you will know if you want to pursue marriage counseling, right now, I think she needs personal counseling, some time off work and reading this latest post, I'm wondering if her renewed desire to come back home and work on the relationship has more to do with her crazy work schedule and not being able to take care of the kids when she has them on her own - if work is as hectic for her as you describe it, that would be motivation enough for her to reconsider coming back to you just so she can relieve the pressure she's under at work by having you there to take care of the kids while she works her long hours.
Also, do you want to be with someone who works that many hours? She won't be around for you and you will resent her for it. Be honest with her (and this is tough for a lot of people going through situations similar to this), especially right now that you're separated and apart, "Honestly I don't think it would work out right now, you are way too busy with work, could you cut work back to normal hours, these 12-15 hour days are just too long, if we got back together, we would only end up fighting because of your work eating up all of our time. Is you work really that important to you? Looks like a couple of sources have told you to go on a mental leave of absence, I don't see this getting any better for you, something for you to consider before even thinking about us getting back together again, you need to re-assess your priorities and decide what is really important to you, I won't waste any of my time or energy until you get this part of your life figured out."
Busto, you said it yourself, she is really screwed up emotionally at the moment and has low tolerance for anything in her life, that would include YOU, don't set yourself up for a big fall, you've gone through enough already, you need a break from the craziness. _________________________ “Man’s proper stature is not one of mediocrity, failure, frustration, or defeat, but one of achievement, strength, and nobility. In short, man can and ought to be a hero.”
Top
#94393 - 04/14/11 02:05 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: rob x] gr8 day 2b alive Member
Registered: 11/09/10 Posts: 1286 Loc: Brotherly Love Busto,
take it slow, reread what happened in my sitch and learn. Don't fall in love with the IDEA of getting back together.
Envisioning a great life together will do more harm than good in the beginning.
Think of it like cooking ribs....Low and SLOOOWWW _________________________ Find a passion and pursue it.Fall in love.Dream Big.drink wine, eat good food and spend quality time with good friends.laugh everyday.tell stories. learn more. never give up. be grateful try new things be. happy. and above all, make every moment count.
Top
#94409 - 04/14/11 02:38 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] Not2fun Member
Registered: 09/06/10 Posts: 1388 Loc: Gateway to the West Originally Posted By: Don Man Don Originally Posted By: Not2fun Originally Posted By: Don Man Don It means she got dumped!
Ahhhh yes.....this makes sense!!!
Oh wait.....
Except.....
Don't be naive. You are being naive.
Almost 7 billion people plus. It ain't too hard to find someone less neglectful than your husband.
How many of you all flirt because you aren't getting it at home?
Don't be naive. You're naive.
No, naive has been in my personality make-up for oh....3 1/2 yrs now.... grin
However, I'm not surprised that you would think so considering the caliber of advice you hand out regarding dating others while married..... wink
Not all 7 billion plus people make the decision to cheat and so far nothing Buster has written about his wife would lead me to believe she has......
Just because SOME people cheat.....doesn't mean EVERYONE does....
Not2fun _________________________ If you aren't being transparent, then you aren't being authentic. If you aren't being authentic, then you are being a hypocrite."
Top
#94570 - 04/14/11 09:28 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Not2fun] rob x Member
Registered: 11/12/10 Posts: 1383 N2F, Steve has more than a clue about this, so do I.
There is nothing wrong with your point of view and believing in the good side of people.
However, take a look at the situation.
People in these situations tend to feel very entitled based on the resentment they feel towards their spouse, resentment breeds entitlement and when that happens the things a person wouldn't normally do gets thrown out the window and spouses that are all over the place emotionally will look for solutions in places they normally wouldn't.
I also want to believe nothing happened and that Busto's wife didn't do anything and we don't actually have proof either, but I've seen too many of these situations to discount the high probability that this did happen. _________________________ “Man’s proper stature is not one of mediocrity, failure, frustration, or defeat, but one of achievement, strength, and nobility. In short, man can and ought to be a hero.”
Top
#94601 - 04/14/11 11:00 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: rob x] Don Man Don Member
Registered: 11/26/10 Posts: 926 Girl. It all comes down to experiences. My lifetime experiences are different than yours. I am a very sexual person. I love sex. I think a woman's body is the most amazing incredible thing. I love the way it looks. I love the way it changes under my touch. I love the way I fit inside it. But I am also realistic. And from experience, I have learned that many many many women are sexual also. God bless them. Now granted some people repress their sexuality or don't understand their sexual, or for that matter spiritual, energies. But many many many women enjoy the act of making love. Its amazing. (For a moment, imagine being a slime mold or a fern. Wouldn't that suck?) Now, compound that with a separation, a husband who neglects their needs as a woman, a quick fix mentality, or spiteful attitude, or a couple months without an orgasm and it is not unrealistic a woman or a man wants to get laid.
7 billon people, 1/2 of them are men, give or take one half children. 1.75 billion women. And what a dozen or 2 buy into the divorce busting or marriage builders philosophy and a couple of them are either internet or physical cheaters anyhow. You are part of a very small minority. Tiny. Minuscule. It is not the way the world actually lives.
Now whether you are right or wrong, your morals and integrity are of a higher standard than someone else's or your god can beat my god in an arm wrestling match, it doesn't matter. The rest of the world is screwing the crap out of each other.
Dating as a method of Knowing Yourself in the midst of garbage times? You know. Out of a serious respect I will not talk about that on these public forums. Pookie69 started a topic in the thunderdome about punk rockers breaking windows over some nuclear health reform government issue. Its the topic with the picture of a toilet bowl. You can argue about that there.
Top
#94605 - 04/14/11 11:09 PM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] Don Man Don Member
Registered: 11/26/10 Posts: 926 "When I was a little boy I wanted to grow up to be Steve McQueen"
The Betty Crocker Theory. Let's have some cake? As red roses signify love and passion and white roses, loyalty, purity, and a love stronger than death, The Art of Baking symbolizes something much greater for your relationship. Mixing ingredients of desperation and spreading false hope while indulging your spouse indicates you are out of touch with reality.
Who can resist a piece of Chocolate Cake with sprinkled Selfish Behavior and Co-Dependence? Is it not the most sweetest, indulgent treat someone could offer? "Me, Me, Me, I want you to want me. I want you to want me or I am depressed." It is a sacrifice to lose one's self worth and dignity in an attempt to control and manipulate another for one's own selfish desires. It is indulgent yet it is not festive or mysterious.
As we criticize those who want to have their cake and eat it too, we need to consider the intentions of the 'Betty Crocker Wannabe.' To bake and serve the side dish is to be the side dish. Consider before you a 24oz Prime Rib. It is the main dish which should be the challenge to complete. Bread, and pastries and brownies are but a side dish and a desert to relish afterwards. Notice the words 'challenge' and 'complete.' Since the beginning of time it has been "Survival of the fittest." It drives our need to succeed. Be it capturing a wholly mammoth, or harvesting a field of corn or procuring a healthy, successful mate. We succeed or we perish. There is no drive to be second best. Neither is there a second choice when you are a tree. You take in the sun, and respirate and reach for the sky. Likewise, you should not settle for second option in a relationship. You need to continually challenge your mate instead of buttering them up with pastries.
Settling for second option in a relationship poses some questions. 'What are they cooking up?' Can they know themselves if they cannot understand me? Can they truly love them self if they do not know how to love me?
There is a reason Tyson did as many sit-ups as he did. He could stomach anything thrown his way. He had no time for cupcakes.
Top
#95008 - 04/16/11 12:27 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Don Man Don] bustorama Member
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 W called me when she got out of work wanting to hang out. Said she was in the mood for a drink. I said I'd pick her up. She said she was in the mood for a margarita so I said let's go somewhere new and we went to this Mexican place on the coast I had seen before but neither of us had ever been to. It was a wildcard but ended up being a good call. We had a great time.
She said she had a really good time and was even asking me if I had a good time. Said she wanted us to take a photography class together so I'd know how to use "our" camera (which she has). Said she told at least one of her friends we were getting back together. She brought up whether we should remodel or move to 'dream house.' Talking about future vacations together. She's not recoiling from my touch anymore. I tell her how smoking hot she is and she doesn't object or act offended like she did before. Real hugs, stroking her hand, touching her thighs, etc. Lots of eye contact and pet names. She said she wanted to hang out tomorrow and suggested some things she wanted to do.
Things feel positive. Still far from perfecto, but trending positive.
I'm concerned though about how to manage the wknd stuff cause some of the stuff she wants us to do together is family stuff (like going to botanical gardens with girls and her taking pics of stuff). The way she talks about stuff it is a foregone conclusion that we are reconciling, it's just a question of the details of how to bring our lives together. But if the ground falls out from under us, again, I don't want girls hurt again. You think I should just say, let's go slow and leave the girls out of stuff for at least a month? _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Top
#95010 - 04/16/11 12:30 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] flowmom Member
Registered: 11/19/10 Posts: 6588 Originally Posted By: bustorama You think I should just say, let's go slow and leave the girls out of stuff for at least a month? or more. _________________________ me44 + Pookie, S8, D5
I'll make it all worthwhile, I'll make your heart smile ~ DM
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
