Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 Oh, you did very well, and came out the HERO!
Hope you read Al Turtle's thread here about the Lizard. He explains how to nurture your partner's lizard. It would be good to try that, since your wife seems to have this anxiety.
OTOH, I would install a keylogger. Trust but verify.
I know that lots here don't believe in snooping. But when there are red flags it is only prudent. Because if there IS an affair of some type, all the effort you are putting in won't recover your marriage as long as the affair is active.
Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 Snooping is one thing. Snooping on a spouse that left you 7 months ago as a result of your affair is stalking and just another assault on the betrayed spouse (in addition to some very serious crimes).
Edited by Medc (12/13/10 06:38 PM) _________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 Originally Posted By: Medc Snooping is one thing. Snooping on a spouse that left you 7 months ago as a result of your affair is stalking and just another assault on the betrayed spouse (in addition to some very serious crimes).
Not that I have decided to keylog, MedC, but it is POSSIBLE that your conclusion that she left me "7 months ago as a result of my affair" is premature/not the whole story.
During the month after she separated, she was texting a former classmate from high school that lives less than 2 hours from us like crazy (one day had 30 txts each way in a 3-4 hr period). When I went back and looked at records, she had been texting that number off and on during the last few months before we separated. She also met up with him in person at least once during the first month that we separated. It is not out of the question that this was a revenge affair (EA or possibly even PA) at the outset. This is what led to my boundary statement that any evidence of an affair on her part would lead to my filing for divorce.
Perhaps it just went on hold or went underground and is coming back to the fore now.
Edited by bustorama (12/13/10 07:56 PM) _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 11/28/10 Posts: 71 Bustor.. She didn't leave you because of YOUR actions.
She left you because of the OM...This is what women always do when interested in OM... Women don't leave until they have someone to grab hold of. Your wife is no different..
I can't figure you out. You act as if you KNOW she isn't having an affair, and yet she is showing all signs of having one...
Quote: During the month after she separated, she was texting a former classmate from high school that lives less than 2 hours from us like crazy (one day had 30 txts each way in a 3-4 hr period). When I went back and looked at records, she had been texting that number off and on during the last few months before we separated.
So, you think is just up and fizzled????... If you believe that then you ARE naive..... Wake up and smell the coffee... There IS another man in the picture. The sooner you admit that and come to grips with it the sooner you will move forward.
Quote: She also met up with him in person at least once during the first month that we separated.
She is also probably meeting up with him when she goes back home for Christmas..
Wake up Bustor.. There IS another man she is intersted in and you are in denial.
There is only ONE reason she would lie to you about her FB account.. Can you figure out that ONE reason? Shouldn't take a rocket scientist...
Quote: Perhaps it just went on hold or went underground and is coming back to the fore now.
Perhaps? Come on Bustor, stop being naive.. Stop being in denial...
More than likely the OM has a gf or is married. Your wife doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She is going to keep lying and hiding this as long as you will accept her lies.
Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 Sure it is entirely possible.
It is entirely possible that she tired of what was going on in your marriage (your affairs) and found someone before she left. In no way would that change my advice to you. It appears as though your actions drove her away...and she has a right to stay away.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try honorable things to try and win her back...but imagine for a moment if you get caught putting a key logger on her computer. Not only could she have you arrested and use it against you in divorce proceedings, you would likely have killed even the smallest chance at recovery.
Bustorama, I am about as hard lined anti-infidelity as you are going to find. I go out of my way to stand up for BH's. I just don't view you as the betrayed spouse in this situation. I commend you for the changes you have made but I sincerely believe that a betrayed spouse has a right to live their life as they please.
If you want to fight for your "wife" I would suggest that you continue to work on you and let her know, through adult discussion, that you are willing to be a better man than the one that pushed her away.
As I said, please don't take my word for it...talk to a therapist or a lawyer about putting a key logger on the computer. Sit back and listen to their replies.
And Bustorama...there are plenty of women that are able to leave a man without having another one in the wings.
_________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 Originally Posted By: Medc Quote: There is only ONE reason she would lie to you about her FB account.. Can you figure out that ONE reason?
Perhaps she feels it is none of his business.
Quote: She didn't leave you because of YOUR actions.
So a guy has several affairs and neglects his family and you don't think it is possible that his wife left him as a result???
The above dialog pretty much sums up the internal dialog in my mind (with both sides having a voice).
Also, MedC, I didn't say anything further suggesting I am considering keylogging. The question of "how" to win her back, however, may differ depending on whether there is a (secret) OM in picture or not, no?
Edited by bustorama (12/13/10 09:12 PM) _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 11/28/10 Posts: 71 Quote: So a guy has several affairs and neglects his family and you don't think it is possible that his wife left him as a result???
Oh yes, it is possible, but it isn't what happened in this case.
The evidence points to she put up with it UNTIL she found someone else. It wasn't until she started her own affair that she bolted. She didn't have what it took UNTIL she had someone else she liked. This is typical of people having an affair of their own. They ALWAYS blame their spouse.. "you did this, you didn't do that, you didn't this, you didn't that,etc etc"
This is nothing new. She has thrown all the blame and guilt on Bustor and he has fallen for it hook line and sinker......
He is buying into her excuses which keeps the guilt on him and off of her... and it IS working like a charm. Not only is Bustor falling for it, but so are some of the people trying to help him... This doesn't excuse his own behavior, but what he is doing isn't going to work. She is only keeping things friendly because of the holidays and she probably isn't so sure how OM feels or what he is going to do.
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 I didn't know about the former classmate, but now it all makes sense. Couldn't quite understand why she spends so much time with Bustorama if she is having an affair. But the OM is 2 hours away!
It also explains why she wanted Bustorama to take 100 pictures of her for her FB account, and why he and his family are shut out of FB. And why she is lying about FB.
Registered: 11/28/10 Posts: 71 Here is the evidence that she couldn't leave BEFORE she found someone else she liked and the evidence that she DID leave after she was involved... This means that it wasn't Bustor's affair that caused her to leave. If his affair's were the reason she would have left WHEN he had them and she knew about them. She stayed.
Quote: When I went back and looked at records, she had been texting that number off and on during the last few months before we separated.
Registered: 11/28/10 Posts: 71 Quote: I didn't know about the former classmate, but now it all makes sense. Couldn't quite understand why she spends so much time with Bustorama if she is having an affair. But the OM is 2 hours away!
It also explains why she wanted Bustorama to take 100 pictures of her for her FB account, and why he and his family are shut out of FB. And why she is lying about FB.
Yep, it explains a lot.
Yes. It does. All the evidence is in there. One just has to know how to put the puzzle together. The pieces are there.
Registered: 11/28/10 Posts: 71 Well, Bustor is part of the problem here. He seems to only be feeding us what he wants us to know so that we tell him what he wants to hear...
That is why it is crucial when helping people to not take everything they say as the gospel. Many times these people on here are only looking to hear what they want to hear. So, they usually only tell us things that they hope will get us to give them the feedback they want. I see it often that they ones on here and other sites trying to help are actually HURTING the person needing the help because they just can't seem to realize that they are being misled. When they get someone who tells them something they don't want to hear, they either get mad at them or someone else comes to their rescue and starts answering for them and helping them to be stuck and enabled. I don't work that way. That isn't helping them and doesn't work.
I hope this site isn't turning into MBuilders 2 or DBing 2... We already have those sites. We will never be successful as possible until we START SEEING SOME RELATIONSHIPS SAVED OFTEN ON HERE..
The best way and most often way they are saved is to get TOUGH and let them go... It is a proven fact.
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 So check this out, guys, so everyone gets the history. My first post to DB was after all this introductory stuff had happened and I thought either it was me being paranoid/controlling or out of the picture. I did allude to it in my DB thread in an exchange with Puppy Dog, though not in this detail.
She deleted me from her FB account ca. June 11 or June 12 after some ginourmous fight where she declared she was afraid I was going to kill her. I didn't think that much of her deleting me from FB because she had done that before here and there when she was pissed off at me. And she was royally pissed off at me.
Sometime around beginning of July, I notice the cell bill is ginormous. I look at cell logs. See all these txt msgs on her account. Lots of different numbers, but this one number showing up somewhat more than others. The day before I looked was the day there were craptons of msgs back and forth with a 5-6 hour gap or so, then resumption of msgs. I reverse cell the # and see the name and location. Recognize the name as name of a former classmate of hers from her facebook that she had become friends with like maybe 5-6 months before and that sometimes posted complimentary stuff to her wall. He had a custody issue where he had a daughter from a recently broken relationship and the story was that he was calling my W to get legal advice for free. I had noticed him on facebook from the spring and was like whatever, this guy is a total loser at the time (recovering heroin addict, jails all this other crap, affair-down?) and even if he is pursuing her with this custody story, there is nothing to worry about (and I trusted her).
So, I guess from the time log (not telling her) that she had gone to visit him and then came back. See her next day at swim lessons, ask her how her evening was. She says, oh I went to go visit an old school friend of mine at his parent's place. They were having a dinner party. I didn't want to feel like a loser and stay at home by myself so I went up there (so she told me about going up there). After the dinner a group of us went to this bar and had these funky bloody mary's blah blah. I said to her, that sounds like a date to me. She started going crazy yelling at me about being controlling, it wasn't a date, just a friend, I just didn't want her to have any guy friends. How would I feel if she accused me of going on a date when I was just hanging out with my friend that was a girl (who I had hung out with a couple nights before, really just a platonic friend). I told her, I would have calmly said that it was not a date. She then said something like, well it was a spur of the moment thing. Just did it once and not gonna do it again anyway, it's so far.
So anyway, the txts sorta continue moderately back and forth between her and this number (maybe 5-10/day or every other day total). There was this strange incident then in mid-July when she had just returned from her hometown (which is about 1500 miles from where we live, 1300 from where OM lives) to visit her family. As she is dropping the D's off, I hear Lady Antebellum's Need You Now coming from the car (lyrics pasted below). W is teary eyed. I ask her wtf is going on, why is she all crying. Is she ok. Says she doesn't want to talk about it. Gets back in car and leaves. I txt her is everything ok? Anything you want to talk about. She says no. I go and look at cell logs and right after my txt msg is received from her, she initiates a call to the guy. They start txting as day goes on.
I call her that day and tell her W, I know what's going on. And she says what are you talking about? And I say I know about you and XX. I see all these calls and texts between you. I have been there, so I understand how it can happen, it is a slippery slope, I will not be holier than thou on you, but this is totally unacceptable to me. I will not be in an open marriage. If there is any affair behavior, emotional or otherwise, I will file for divorce immediately. She says are you crazy?!?!? ?OM? is my friend. He is fat as a house and gross. Do you seriously think I could be with him??? And I can't believe how self-righteous you are when YOU cheated and now you come back and accuse ME of cheating. I say even if it is just you having your emotional needs met by him, non-physical, that is inappropriate, because we are married and it interferes with the possibility of our meeting each other's emotional needs and reconciling. She says I don't want you to meet my emotional needs. Then she launches into the controlling stuff how this proves how controlling I am, stalking her, proves how unsafe I am, etc. etc. Went apeshit saying she wanted a divorce, all kinds of hanging up, saying she wanted me to transfer her cell plan to her so I would stop stalking her. I said, I am not telling you what to do. I am stating my boundary. You are free to make your own choices. I will transfer your cell plan now.
I pretty much figured we were getting divorced at that point and took down all our marriage pictures. A few hours later, she called me up apologizing for her outburst and strong emotional reaction, said she was just stressed out of her mind with work (which she was at the time) and needed some time. As you've seen from rest of thread, she can be extremely reactive so her reaction wasn't really telling to me one way or another whether I was on or off the mark with my accusation. I lost my intel at that point since the cell log was transferred. Family was still friends with her on facebook and would occasionally relay inconsequential msgs between her and ?OM? on wall, innocent, normal frequency.
So during Aug and Sep, W a few times talked about how ?OM? had a new girlfriend and told me stuff ?OM? was telling her about the girlfriend. How they met, how he pursued her. Then he dumped one GF and got another GF, told me about that GF. Then W was sad one day saying ?OM? and the other GF were saying she had a poor job and was underpaid. Then said ?OM? had stopped "bothering" her had sort of vanished because he was "whipped" by new GF. Family corroborated that communications from this ?OM? had become less and less and there was a picture of ?OM? with a different girl each time corresponding to W's reports of ?OM? having new GF. So I concluded that if ?OM? HAD been in the picture that he wasn't really in the picture any more. And by this time W had talked about getting more trust in me and we were spending more and more time together.
Until all this stuff happened around Thanksgiving, and then the ban of my family on FB and the lying on FB, so I wonder if maybe ?OM? is back on the scene? Or an OM2?
The alternative is that my pushing about her business made her just want to push me (and my family) further away. She has blocked my other family members before, also, fwiw, and has complained about having to have them in 'her business.'
So that's my internal debate. All complicated by our good day yesterday.
LYRICS TO SONG PLAYING FROM CAR Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore And I wonder if I ever cross your mind For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before And I wonder if I ever cross your mind For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now
woah woaaah.
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now
Edited by bustorama (12/13/10 10:35 PM) _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 Don't know if it is the same OM or not, but like GL says, the pieces of the puzzle are all there. And the key is her FB account.
I'm probably biased because of my history. I was trying to meet all of my WH's needs, twisting into a pretzel, going to MC, the WORKS.
While I was doing all of that, the affair just became more entrenched. It had been going on for 8 months before I found out about it.
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 Originally Posted By: believer While I was doing all of that, the affair just became more entrenched. It had been going on for 8 months before I found out about it.
How did you find out about yours?
If there is a PROBABLE (but not 100% certain) OM, whose identity I cannot determine, how would my plan differ from the assumption that there is NOT an OM?
I would not be able to file for D if I was not certain. It's that uncertainty that stops me from taking the hard Dobson/Plan B line. Because if I'm wrong, it would seem to be grave mistake.
Edited by bustorama (12/13/10 10:50 PM) _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 I know exactly how you feel.
My husband had become distant, and there were tons of warning signs. We laid in bed at night and he told me not to worry, that things would get better. I never suspected an affair, was so trusting and stupid......
And there was a feeling, you must know it, that I was not important to him anymore. His eyes didn't light up when he came home, he was distracted and seemed absent.
So I worked hard on meeting his needs, making things nice for him, being cheerful and upbeat. I let him have space, didn't question him, continued having sex.
While I was working on the marriage, he was making sure that the OW would be there for him. She was a neighbor whose husband was fighting in Iraq.
After 8 months, he didn't come home from work one day. Didn't call, nothing. I was frantic and stayed up all night. He showed up in the morning and told me he had gone camping alone. He had to "think".
It all hit me then. Everything made sense. I told him to take a look at our home, look at the pictures of our kids, that he had 5 minutes to come clean or lose it all. He denied everything and I asked him to leave.
I still had no "proof", but knew the truth in my heart.
Then I started "spying" and found out that he left and moved in with the OW, he'd had a secret cell phone, the affair had gone on for 8 months, his family knew, our life together had been a lie.
Top
#35303 - 12/14/10 06:56 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: believer] Medc Member
Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 I WOULD recommend spying in a case like Believer's. Your situation is VERY different and does not warrant spying. _________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
medcmbers@zoominternet.net
Top
#35381 - 12/14/10 10:29 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: Medc] believer Member
Registered: 09/02/10 Posts: 12109 I trust MEDC's judgment. He often disagrees with me.
The thing is, Bustorama seems to be a very involved father. His wife, though she claims to be afraid of him, relies heavily on him to meet some of her ENs.
I don't get taking 100 pictures for FB, going out drinking when she has such young kids, consorting with a former jailbird heroin addict who has custody issues with his own kids.
Now, I'm just going by his description of her, but she doesn't sound very mature and isn't making good choices. And she refuses to get MC.
Whatever he's done in the past, Bustorama seems to spending his time with his kids, and wanting to save his marriage.
As I remember, they have shared custody. It looks to me like the Mrs is either carrying on an affair or looking for one.
Makes me think of the crazy woman in Virginia who met the guy on Facebook and invited him home. Then he beat her to death and took off with her 12 year old daughter.
Top
#35384 - 12/14/10 10:43 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: believer] Medc Member
Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 I DO think having a PI spy on her for custody and child safety issues IS in order. I don't think that spying for infidelity issues is appropriate in this case.
Bustorama committing a felony could have disastrous impact on his ability to get a good custody agreement. _________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
medcmbers@zoominternet.net
Top
#35386 - 12/14/10 10:50 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] Don Man Don Member
Registered: 11/26/10 Posts: 926 Originally Posted By: bustorama It's that uncertainty that stops me from taking the hard Dobson/Plan B line.
Huh? Betty Crocker. You are Plan B.
And the longer you sit around contemplating why momma's hiding the cookies up on the top shelf, the less attractive of a "plan" you are becoming.
The thing that puzzles me the most on these sites is the denial of what separation is all about. People separate from their spouse / move out so they CAN explore relationships with other people. It [censored] being lonely and it saves ALOT of hassle when you can sit on the couch and talk on the phone all night, come and go as you please, or get drunk and bring someone home for sex and you don't have a stubborn jealous spouse poking around your computer and cell phone, bothering you with 'where you been' or ridiculous relationship talks, etc. It's an easy way to let them down, also.
The people who get separated just to be alone are few and far between, urban legends maybe, the rest of the world is out getting laid. Your naiveness is depressing. She moved out 7 months ago and she has cut you out of her life. Ah duh. Doesn't take too much to realize : She doesn't want you.
They say the divorce rate is 50% but the longer I am alive the more I realize that number is like 75 - 80% of people divorced, separated or screwing around. And those folks who have the worst success are those that fail to let go and move on. I remember my friend boobzilla saying during her divorce about her pestering co-dependent husband, "if he keeps doing what he's doing he's never got a chance." They got divorced. I could tell you stories of my own separation but it will do no good until you realize that until you are the more attractive package, the excitement that draws people like a magnet, gets the juices flowing, its just another story.
Top
#35402 - 12/14/10 11:11 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: believer] bustorama Member
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 Well, I spoke up for my transgressed boundary on honesty.
W called last night to update me on the hit and run insurance situation with the car. She also told me she had bought one of those run logger things that auto-update your latest run to wherever you want it updated. Then she says yeah my friend from weight watchers told me about it, emailed me about it, so if I go running it can auto-update my latest run to the Weight Watchers website. I said that's cool, yeah, and it can work with your Facebook too, right (she had told me a month or two ago about how they update on Facebook)? And she said, well I don't go on there anymore, haven't in days. (in fact, I knew W had been on there earlier in the day because she had a new profile pic).
So I said, W please stop being dishonest with me, it really bothers me. I know you were on facebook today. And she said huh, no I wasn't? And I said you are being dishonest with me, I can't be in a relationship with you if you are dishonest with me. I know you were on there because you had a new profile pic today. She said, "We are not in a relationship." I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I know we are estranged right now, but there is a relationship of some sorts between us -- we are co-parents, I'd like to think we are at least friends, we are legally married." She said, "Whaaa-- How do you know I was on there?" I said I have your page bookmarked from before you banned me and I load it up every now and then to see your front page, see your pic or whatever pic you have of the girls up. So I noticed the picture today was different than yesterday's, so I know you were on today. Please don't lie to me, it really hurts me when you lie to me. W says, "Well what about when you hurt me lying for 2 years about stuff." I said, You are absolutely right, that was very wrong of me. I am sorry I hurt you that way. You did not deserve it. I can only imagine from the hurt I feel when you lie to me about this, how hurt you felt from those lies.
W says, well, I deleted your family and your friends from my profile, and I'm probably going to delete some of my family too now. I don't want people in my business. Please don't tell any of them that I deleted them. She tried to explain who she deleted and why. I interrupted and said, W, thank you for telling me the truth. I really appreciate that. It is your business who is or is not on your FB page. That is not my business right now. What I care about is that you not lie to me. I am not lying to you anymore, and I want us to be honest with each other.
Then W sounded kind of angry said she felt creeped out that I was stalking her. I said, I'm sorry you feel that way. I did look at your facebook front wall yesterday and looked at it again today. I do think about you sometimes and look at the pictures of you or the girls. What you do on facebook is your own world, and I am not trying to interfere with that. I just want you to be honest with me and not lie to me. W still sounded pissed.
So, that's that. I feel better about stating my boundary about the honesty and that W admitted to it. I'm sad that W lied to me, whatever the reason, and also sad that she at first tried to deny it or deflect things to me. I get that though, since I was guilty of it in the past. My guess is she will be more pissed off at me now, more loss of trust, at least for awhile. Also sad of her statement that we are not in a relationship. I am leaning towards letting her go seems to be the way to go based on how things are going, but probably won't go that way until after Christmas. Some of the bad taste she may have from the latest stuff may have dissipated a bit, and perhaps intervening good experiences with me. Also so not as to disrupt Christmas stuff for the girls with coincident drama.
Thoughts? _________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Top
#35407 - 12/14/10 11:18 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] TimeHeals Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 2324 Loc: Tennessee Quote: I am leaning towards letting her go
In all honesty, you cannot do that because she is already gone.
All you can do is admit it yourself. Your only choice in the matter of where she is emotionally in terms of your marriage right now is whether or not you accept the reality of where she is, and she is gone. _________________________ Your Time Perspective Can Heal Mend the broken, make strong the weak and vanquish the evil.
Top
#35408 - 12/14/10 11:21 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: TimeHeals] bustorama Member
Registered: 11/14/10 Posts: 356 OK, given that. Do I need to SAY anything in January? (a setting them free type speech?) or just do my own thing, stop focusing on her, do my own thing, be unavailable when she comes seeking my time/support/etc.
_________________________ Me-40 W-36 D9, D5, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Top
#35415 - 12/14/10 11:25 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] TimeHeals Member
Registered: 11/08/10 Posts: 2324 Loc: Tennessee Do the right thing. Sit down and figure out what the right thing to do is, admit where you are in terms of your present reality, and then focus on doing things that you can be proud of doing that are likely to yeild positive results for you personally.
No matter what happens, you can deal with this, and it's never too late to lead a life of honor and integrity.
You can do this. _________________________ Your Time Perspective Can Heal Mend the broken, make strong the weak and vanquish the evil.
Top
#35417 - 12/14/10 11:26 AM Re: Bustorama #1 [Re: bustorama] Medc Member
Registered: 08/31/10 Posts: 5195 Bustorama, if my ex (even if the paperwork was not completed) that I had left 7 months prior confronted me with the same stuff, I would also feel stalked.
She is right...you don't have a relationship. Just because you want one (and have regrets about how you handled your marriage) doesn't make it so.
She no more owes you the truth than she owes you a chance at recovery. Both of those should be considered gifts from her at this point. It would be nice to get...but you can't expect them.
Why do you feel that she should freely provide you with information about her personal life??? Take a look at my posting history Bust. I am VERY pro-BH. Heck, I am considered very hard on WW's. Your actions creep me out a bit. I can imagine that your wife really feels creeper out.
Please note that everything I am saying here is only in regards to your wife and your "relationship" with her. I think it is always important to act in the best interests of your children...even if it conflicts with the wants/desires of the other parent. Kids come first IMHO.
_________________________ It's not who you are underneath, it is what you do each and everyday that defines you.
Don't go shaking the HO tree and expect an angel to fall out.
medcmbers@zoominternet.net
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
