“Date night” was a bust. Maybe the actual “We need to go to Home Depot – let’s get some ice cream afterwards” scenario will work better. Clearly the Xbox one did not. Although he did tell me I should have just came and got him and told him I needed him to do something. (This is one of our issues. I had already told him that. Should I have to tell him again? Any other day, and I would have been nagging him about it by asking a 2nd time. So confusing. SMH)
H came home from the weekend in a very good mood. He was excited about all the music stuff he and his friends got done. So we had a long conversation (actually several since he got back) about it. I haven’t always been as supportive as he would like when it comes to his music stuff, so I’ve just been listening, validating, and asking questions when I don’t understand something. And I’ve been the equivalent of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. I can tell he likes it. LOL
H initiated most of the contact while he was gone. I was surprised at how much I actually talked to him. Most of the time when he’s in the studio, he rarely looks up. I did text him a couple of times: once to find out where our music is stored on the laptop since he had work done on it at his job, and a second time I sent a rather racy photo of me to him late Saturday night. (I used to do this all the time when we were dating.) Based on his response, he love it. LOL He also told me Sunday when I talked to him before he left to come back that he started to call me at 3 am Sunday morning to see “what I was doing” and if I was up. (He used to do this ALL time before.) Guess the picture got him thinking. ;-)
We didn’t talk at all Saturday, just those two texts. Before the bomb, I would have been highly upset, and he would have been mad that I was mad. The few times he’s been out of town since the bomb, I think he’s purposely not called me, so I was calling him to see where he was and if he was with OW. This time I didn’t do that. I figured if he wanted to talk to me he would call me, and he did. (Thanks for talking me off the ledge, Purg!)
He’s still being “Ward Cleaver”. I have to admit, I am very skeptical of this whole thing, but will reap the benefits if he wants to grocery shop and clean house. LOL I will say this…if he doesn’t do something it doesn’t bother me anymore. Well, not as much as it used to. Letting go of sweating the small stuff is SUCH A LIFESAVER. I refuse to go back there.
I can feel myself sometimes slip back into my old sarcastic self like before. It’s actually been happening a lot the past couple of weeks. So I really need to work on this. I’m almost positive it’s related to my anger towards his A. And him acting like the star of a 60s sitcom isn’t helping. I have started reading more books on anger, so hopefully things will start to shift mentally for me soon.
Still no R talks. No talk of him moving out. Guess we’re just status quo for now.
I still feel like I need to do SOMETHING for my sitch, but haven’t figured out what. Not that this one thing will shake up my sitch or have him realize what he’s doing may not be the best decision. I’m normally not one to sit around and just let things be, so I’m trying to learn how to do that. Maybe that’s what my sitch needs. *shrugs* I don’t know anymore.
Acting like I did when were dating seems to be the right thing to do right now, but I can't figure out this date thing. We spend time together in the same room, but not "together".
My dream (which is sad, as we used to do this all the time), would be to have him ask me to a movie. But I doubt that will happen any time soon.
And yes, I know I can go to a movie by myself. But that's not the point of the this exercise. So please save the comments. LOL
No wusses allowed! Tell him you are going to see movie XYZ and if he'd like to join you he's welcome to come with. If he says no or has other plans, then you go anyway and enjoy the movie. Then you can later tell him all about the great movie he missed out on.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
have you heard of non violent communication? marshall rosenthal? my IC had recommended it to H and i. the concept is good. difficult to put into practice without getting all emotional.
it might be helpful to you? to ask for what you need in a way that allows it to be ok for him to say no without you feeling hurt? they have youtube clips. just a thought.
otherwise.. yes you are super cute! racy picture huh?? lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I think something is happening between H & OW, just not sure what. He’s been moping around and has seemed depressed the last couple of weeks. I haven’t asked any questions or mentioned it, but Sunday night he basically threw a tantrum because the cable remote wouldn’t work. It was strange. He only does stuff like that when he’s upset about something, and we haven’t had an argument or anything, so I don’t think it was about us.
He also has said he’s been nauseous and hasn’t been feeling well. Hurt his back somehow yesterday. It all reminded me of how I felt when he first dropped the bomb. I’ve been helpful, but trying not to be overbearing or hovering. I stayed home with him yesterday because he couldn’t stand up straight. He sent me a text message this morning saying: “I truly appreciate all you did to look after me yesterday. Thank you a million times. Happy hump day! Love you”. It shocked me because I wasn’t expecting it. He had told me yesterday he appreciated me taking care of him a few times, but I just said you’re welcome and left it at that.
Overall, H just seems kind of tuned out and just sits in the same spot on the couch most days. Some of our interactions have been different since I noticed the change in him – not much cuddling in bed; we haven’t been intimate at all during this past couple of weeks; he hasn’t been as helpful around the house (Where DID Ward Cleaver go?).
I know that even if he and OW are done, that doesn’t change anything really for us. There are many more issues besides OW that we would have to work through. Plus I know these things can go back and forth for a while. So I have no high hopes that it’s really over just yet. I could snoop to find out what is really going on, but I’ve restrained myself thus far. If it’s not over, it’ll just make me feel bad to know that he’s still out there doing whatever he wants to do.
So I’m wondering if I should back off from doing all of the “girlfriend” stuff, and just leave him to be miserable or continue what I’ve been doing. I will say it is kind of annoying that he could be so sad and upset about ending his A, but I’ve managed to keep my thoughts about that to myself. LOL
In the words of my grandmother: “Sometimes it just seems easier to pack my bag of rags and go…” But I've never done anything the easy way...no need to start now! :-)
I was catching one of my friends up on my sitch, and she said she didn't know how I was doing this (living with H knowing about OW & not kicking him out). I told her I didn't know how I was either. Because old RoRo would have and has done it before. Sometimes I just don't care what he does and with who. I just want him to go away. I'm wondering if I'm just going through the motions or is this real detachment?
I still would like for my M to be saved, but I think I am losing hope that it will/can. Not sure when it happened or if its because I haven't seen any movement in my sitch since I've been DBing. It's been almost 4 months, and that's nothing compared to others. Need to decide to keep it up or let it go.
