Tips for the Spouse with the Higher Sex Drive

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All I'm saying is that many a times a frigid wife has been turned on by an unlikely stranger who was able to turn on the spark after years of the husband failing.

I think that's a Hollywood scenario that does not really happen in real life, or if it does it's the extreme exception. There is tons of infidelity reported on this board -- I challenge you to find one example where an LD wife of an HD husband became HD with a different man.

I believe you will find examples where an HD wife was frustrated with the sex and may have been *acting* LD, but I doubt in that case she would classify herself as LD, but rather as frustrated.

In my opinion, the infidelity reported on this board seems to be the result of the entire landscape of the relationship coupled with an opportunity presented to the WAS (perhaps due to their instigation), versus just due to a sexual issue. In fact, if sex is the ONLY issue, people seem hesitant to blow up the rest of the relationship on that basis alone.

Yet I think that it happens enough that any husband in an ssm should be asking themselves, is it that she doesn't want sex, or is it me?

I think it is valuable to ask "what can I do to become more attractive sexually or otherwise" and to act on that, there is no question. I do think it is misleading to assume that your action will *change* your partner's sexual desire -- that seems far from guaranteed. You may get a defensive behavior change, but as discussed elsewhere I don't believe that's the result an HD partner is really looking for.

Divorce is an option, an ugly, dangerous, option but it's there.

As for what I'm saying it's just another avenue to consider.

Granted. I think being on the "Divorce Busting" website would tend to discourage divorce as a solution, but it is certainly an option, and I am sure that people involved in an SSM have given it serious consideration.

WRT "caveman theory" and MMSLP, we need to be wary of "To the man with a hammer, every problem is a nail"

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