I always tried to remember this, when dealing w/a topic/situation that made me feel bad...
You handled things respectfully, which is more than he's done with you.
Not yet separated, yet moving in that direction, in the same home/bed, yet working independently on your plan... How can it not be emotional?
Just a few thoughts...
Considering his mistakes, has he done what is required/has he taken any of the big steps required for forgiveness and reconciliation?
Is he considering healing if you/your family before himself?
And, remember, even if he does... It's not weeks of solid individual work, it's months/year (depending on the situation) to prove the worth of the effort.
You're doing the right thing re:birthday/Easter/space, especially with the boys. your space at a time like this speaks volumes.
Now, give yourself a big hug.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Thanks to both of you! I just have to try to get through this day the best I can.
A friend of mine who does not know what is going on, posted something on FB this morning. It was regarding her own divorce years ago, and it said "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy"
Just got a text from H saying he is leaving work early and taking the boys golfing this afternoon. I said "sounds like a good way to spend your birthday, enjoy" and he said "I agree, thanks"
I already knew about it because S17 was still home and mentioned H texted him. He also asked "did dad leave early this morning"
It is time for us to sit them down together and discuss, no more dancing this dance.
I still have to figure out how to pay her, still working out the logistics. But I did gather all of the paperwork she told me to gather, and have it safely hidden.
Autumn, those down days are rough, aren't they? I find that when I have one in the next couple of days I feel reinvigorated, stronger and have new purpose.
It's as if another layer of the old me has been peeled back.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Labug makes a good point. I remember that feeling...
It's almost like you've dealt w/the worst (of the moment). And, realize you made it through it, and are anew!
I remember figuring out how to pay... I had to save (on the side) for a few months. That's not fun. Afterwards, my L told me that it is legally acceptable to use marital funds for a divorce L retainer. It's hard, though, because the minute that $ disappears from the account... You've tipped your hand.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
autumn, i'm no one to give advice since i'm so new here and surely doing everything wrong but i'm so sorry for your pain. i completely understand it. it would be so much better if our husbands were totally nasty and had evil faces with horns on their heads. but...they don't. they have the face we fell in love with, the laugh we long to hear, the smile that melts our hearts, and worst of all, they still love us, too, just not the right way for us to be happy.
breathe, breathe, breathe.
That's precisely right, Scaredsilly. You put it beautifully . . . and accurately. Seems like pretty GOOD advice to me!
You handled things respectfully, which is more than he's done with you. . . .
And, remember, even if he does... It's not weeks of solid individual work, it's months/year (depending on the situation) to prove the worth of the effort.
. . .
You're doing the right thing re:birthday/Easter/space, especially with the boys. your space at a time like this speaks volumes.
Seems like pretty GOOD advice to me!