am i better off without him?

[labug]

I asked where your sister lives because I'm originally from Ohio, but further south than Columbus. It's a good place to be from.

I don't think you are wrong in expecting a man to put his wife first and I think that's the crux of this problem. For whatever reason, he can't do that. Maybe there's guilt related to the first marriage. Whatever the reason there's nothing you can do to change him.

Work on yourself but don't expect to feel wonderful right away. You won't. Each day do something for you.

Do you have a lawyer?

And as for your H crying, try not to read too much into that. Who really knows shy he cries other than him. The fact remains that he is divorcing you as painful as that is to realize.

Take care of yourself. Work on yourself. Be good to yourself.

Val posted this to needgrace yesterday:

DBing is difficult at first because you are so scared. Your life gets turned upside down and you FEEL like you have lost all control of your life...

... so when DB says let them go, don't pursue... it's counter-intuitive to all the feelings you have.

Because you hope that if you hold on tighter.. they may change their mind.

But the fact is.. you have already lost them.

and understanding and accepting that you have already lost them.. is an extremely hard thing to come to terms with.

It's hard in the beginning to hold back our hope or to do things w/o expecting our spouses to notice or come back...

... this does not makes us bad people... it makes us people who are scared.

Whether we are scared about what life will look without our spouse or with our spouse. Scared that we will NEVER heal, never be happy, never smile or laugh again...

whatever it is... we are just scared of the unknown.

And it isn't until we look that fear and tell it to fvck off that we truly grasp DBing.. That's when it becomes easier.

That's when we are no longer afraid to let go or make the changes. That's when are no longer afraid to love our spouse w/o fear of the outcome.

It is my belief that DBing brings out the best in all of us.. and if our spouses can't see it... well we've done everything we can.....

.... and we can move on knowing our next R will be so much better, because we took the time and put in the work to become better.

Hang in there!