Space was not an issue last night. H spent the night watching basketball with S15 which is good because he rarely spends time with the kids anymore.
When S17 got home he was asking to sleep at a friends tomorrow (tonight) and I reminded him that it was his fathers birthday. When I went to bed H was irritated and complaining of 'issues' with the boys and specifically with S17. He feels distant from him, and wanted to know if I felt anything in my relationship with him. I said that I didn't.
This morning I said "happy birthday" when I woke up and started to get on with my day. He asked me if I was ok going to his parents for Easter and I hesitated. I said "I wasn't planning to have this conversation on your birthday" and he said "well my mom will ask" So I said "well I plan to go to the beach with my brothers and spend time at my dads" and he got very quiet.
Because there is no separation or agreement of any type, I wasn't sure how to handle the kids. I mentioned "letting them decide or they can go with you" and he said "they shouldn't be put in the middle" and I said "they've been in the middle for a long time now"
I won't make a big deal out of it. I will really miss them. As old as they are, it won't be the same but I have to get used to it.
I took S15 to school, and usually H is still in bed when I get back. This morning he was showered and walking out the door by the time I got back. He said a quick "have a good day" and left.
I have lunch plans with a friend today. She is going through a D too, and was texting me last night.
I have to be honest, I have a huge lump in my throat and the tears are back. I know he has no respect for me and he has been manipulating me, but I am still grieving. We have 20 years of history and not all of it was bad. It is a hard day.
