My "Pursuit and Distance" experiment continues. I've really settled into letting W lead in terms of intimacy, but I have to admit it doesn't feel good. That said, I've pretty much stopped backsliding.
The good: W will hug me, W will reach out to me on IM to talk about household matters or the kids, we are ML about once a week.
The bad: Since I stopped saying "ILY", neither of us have said it at all. No kissing since I stopped initiating, no R talks, no real substantial "feelings" talks of any kind. No texting, no e-mailing, to me it feels very distant.
It's definitely been an interesting thing to do, when W is traveling it really takes an act of will not to send her a text saying "thinking of you" or something similar. I don't like not reaching out when I want to.
W clarified that she likes to hug me before we fall asleep, but she doesn't like it when I hug her as we're falling asleep, so I've stopped doing that and that has been a big loss for me in terms of feeling connected.
Overall I would say that the current distance is tolerable, but uncomfortable. I definitely feel much less connected than I did three weeks ago, and I feel like I'm not doing a good job as a husband and partner. When I step back, however, it's not as if I'm not reciprocating what I'm receiving, I'm just not projecting as much as I would like and that feels unnatural.
The experiment continues. Right now it's a square peg in a round hole. Either the edges will get rounded off or they won't.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
