where the wind blows.. nobody knows...

[BFloat]

so H took S to school today. i guess S was asking H why he isn't here anymore because H txted me later asking if he could take S to school again tomorrow and mentioned S's comments to him. i just said.. i know.

H then asked me if i wanted to to easter dinner at FIL's. i asked how he felt about it and he said he felt fine.. just that i would have to put up w/ him. then clarified saying.. he really wants us to get along and that i would have to bear with him.. then said he has been feeling immensely down about not seeing the kids. i was soooo tempted to say.. yes.. that's the choice you made!!! but held my tongue. i didn't know how to validate so i just didn't say anything.

this is my weekend but i asked H if he wanted to have the kids sat/sun night since he didn't take them last weekend (his friend is leaving and he really wanted to attend the going away party) and next weekend is retrouvaille (also supposed to be his weekend).

my gf's son is having his bday party this weekend. this is the friend that actually introduced us. i asked H if he wanted to go. said he would try and thanked me for inviting him. i didn't ask him because i was pursuing.. i was thinking that it would be nice for the kids to have another person to play with (chuck e cheese).. and then we could just do the swap off there. also told him i would let him know about sunday.. because i have to work that night.

i don't know.. i guess i'm worried about another negative interaction. i'm just laying low. i have to get through this week and then go to retrouvaille and just be open to the process.

sometimes i wonder why i'm bothering w/ all this. would be easier? to just walk away. there's just been so much hurtful interactions.. how could we ever recover from that? and how would i even be able to trust enough to move towards a future if given the opportunity? i'm in this weird space.. not really sure which way i'm going. all i know is that my head isn't underwater.. and i'm breathing.. and i'm ok.