Hmmm - Just a theory....I seem to have more success when I ask him for things, but a lot less success when I suggest I do things for him.
What is that all about?
I'm wondering if I was too much of a giver in our R. Someone in this forum though did mentioned the book "Solo Partner". I had a quick look at it on Amazon, and it was talking about the Pursuer/Distancer relationship. I ordered the book and am waiting for it to arrive. I may have been the pursuer.
When I think about it - in our R, I did a lot of complaining towards the end. I didn't asked him for specific things all the time, but I did complain. That's when he would become defensive and shut down (distancer). These days, I ask kindly for X, and I'm getting an easy yes.
Asking him to be my guarantor wasn't the only thing I asked him for. I asked him for other things as well - in a very straight forward manner. In fact, at some point he even said, "You can get a lot more out of me when you ask nicely."
I shall have to test this theory out a bit more. What do you think?
