I just want to be friends...

[breakdownbill]

Hi YC

I know exactly where you are coming from in your sitch at the moment about detaching. My detaching is somewhat different to yours because I can't really go dark because of the kids and I am still living in the same house. Heck, we are getting on better now than we ever did & we are having the best sex in our R. It confuses me sometimes, but if this is limbo - me likey!!

Good on you for not waving him off after he rejected dinner, even more so because it was not a conscious decision (it just felt natural).

Honestly YC you are doing great, just keep working on YOU. As harsh as it may sound, the reality which I am only just accepting is that until the WAS is ready to make a commitment or decision either way about the M, there is a lot of uncertainty in our lives and we are in limbo.

You might think I'm a bit silly, but here's how I'm playing this in my head. I'm making positive changes about ME and MY life based on a deep reflection of MY feelings, hopes and desires. At the moment I still want to work things out with my W, because I love her and my kids & that this would always be my 1st choice.

IF my W still wants to separate after my course has finished, I will respect and validate my W's decision. I will be around as much as I possibly can for the kids and be a good friend to my W (no pursuing- just there for her if she needs / wants me) and respect her wish for space and freedom without any judgement.

I will use the gift of TIME to full effect, GAL'g with the best of them, spending time with my friends, looking after myself and dating again. (I'd be an idiot to think that my W wouldn't be doing the same thing - heck, she had an affair while we were together & it's probably still going on now, why would she not see other people when we were separated).

Life is just too damn short and either way I'll find happiness with or without my W.

This is my outlook on my sitch & it feels really liberating. I haven't given up on my W and I certainly haven't given up on life. This is how I'm dealing with it & I feel the best I've felt in years.

Don't cry, don't be confused, enjoy yourself for YOU and good things will come to you YC!!

Take care

Bill