Yeah its so hard because there are no clear cut rules or decisions made. Its just in limbo...which is not fun. I don't know how long ill be able to go with no contact and still decide to work on our marriage.
sometimes, letting go IS working on the marriage, and pursuing is ending it.
If they want space, give it to them. Really.
If they say they want to be friends, appear open & receptive to it. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow and wonder what it'll mean or lead to or if you are being a doormat for being friends...But never initiate the contact.
If an affair happened or some other event AND they don't believe YOU can get past whatever they have done,
they won't bother "trying to make it up to you" -- especially b/c at the moment, they think they want out of the marriage.
So the more you attach conditions to their return, when they do not even think they want to return, the harder you make it for them. You want to keep the road home, paved and smooth... it'll already be hard for them to come back.
HOWEVER if YOU believe you cannot get past an affair, if you KNOW this about yourself, then do not stay together AND be miserable. That's the worst option available.
But explore the term and concept of Forgiveness and do it on your own. It's really for YOU anyhow. (If you have no idea what that means, I suggest you research it on this site b/c there are many threads about it and MWD has written a lot on the topic.)
For now, here's a small reminder I've used.
"Hanging onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire,
to get smoke in their eyes."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
