From bomb drop it is another 3 to 7 years? Whoa. What about any PA/EA beforehand?
M: 39, H: 38 D: 4 Together: 19 Y Married: 9 Y Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary) Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday) OW: confirmed, they live together already
This is an interesting thread for sure! Would either of you mind imparting a little more info?
M: 39, H: 38 D: 4 Together: 19 Y Married: 9 Y Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary) Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday) OW: confirmed, they live together already
I'm starting to think my H is going through an MLC which is why we are moving in slooooow motion. And Princess, I think this will take a couple years for my sitch since there was a PA/EA. However, I think I'll be done DB when I hit the yr mark bomb was dropped (7/30/11). After that I'm doing LRT and Going Dark with absolutely NO EXPECTATIONS!
Eva- good for you on reading up. It helps to be educated on their mental breakdown. Reminds us, we are NOT the problem. Keep being distant! Sounds to me like he wants that emotional intimacy! WTG!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Here's an update on my situation. My H came back very suddenly and unexpectedly last year at the end of August. I was very suspicious and to be honest afraid also. Afraid he'd leave again. Not so much for my own sake, but for our then 4-year old son's. My H didn't leave. In fact he's still here.
He has shown no signs of depression since coming back, and bar from the first week or so (when he could be found sitting in our sofa reading the Bible, which is not at all like him) he has been "normal", and more than "normal", he's been happy, relieved, and sweet. It took me months to accept that he was back. I was waiting for him to leave any day. Experiencing Bomb Drop, which you all have, does something to one's heart and mind. I think it took me a long time to accept that my H was here to stay.
Obviously the grass wasn't greener on the other side, and although OW was younger she wasn't the solution to his problems.
Today we have a strong and good relationship. H tells me every day that he loves me. We don't talk much about last year, although it is close to 10 months since he came back (he was gone for less than 6 months). I suppose a time will come when we will.
Last year seems surreal when I think back on it. I was lucky to very quickly be able to find this forum and Michele's books. I don't know how many times I've read "Divorce Remedy", and I continue to read it and I continue to work on 180's. I don't take anything for granted anymore. I pray daily. I was also lucky to find another LBS-friend in another country, with whom I Skyped and prayed and laughed. Her H came back almost the same time as mine did. We prayed the Express Novena together, and we kept each other up. Her H and her are also having a good relationship now. They also have a son, just a year older than ours here. It's a miracle.
I wanted to update my thread here, because I want newcomers to realize there IS hope, but you as the LBS MUST work on yourself. Detach, figure out what kind of 180's you have to do, and have hope and faith.
