Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

I have my first counseling appointment with W in months today at 4. Last time we talked about going in to see someone it was becaus she said our separation wasn't working for her (She wanted to miss me but didn't, she needed more space, she felt like spending a day without seeing me was the exception). I asked if we could talk to Laurie the DB coach to see if we can come up with ways to change the arrangement so she feels she is getting what she needed.

She agreed, then I paid for some more DB sessions. I had a private session with Laurie first, then W had a session with her. During her session, she decided she felt too much pressure and we wouldn't have a joint call. I felt like I had just wasted about $250. However, W was noticeably a lot nicer to me after the call, so something positive must have happened.

That was over a month ago and it had been months since we'd seen anyone even before that. I have let W know whenever I was going to see my IC in case she wanted to come along and finally talk about that stuff, but I didn't pressure her or beg her or really even ask her to come.

Things really seem to have improved in the intervening time. I didn't send her an email for one month in response to what Laurie and I had talked about. We have had very very little conflict, aside from W deciding to do taxes separately without telling me. I handled it fairly calmly when she told me.

I don't know what will happen in this session. It is possible that she could confirm that things are getting better and maybe we can continue doing what we're doing. It is possible she could say she still isn't getting what she needs and we can talk about changing things to help her out. It's possible she could tell me she is getting along with me and things are better, but it doesn't matter because she's just done and she has to move out with the kids.

I want to not think about it for the rest of the day and just let it unfold in the session today. But it is hard.