WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[labug]

You've had that White Knight-Damsel in Distress dynamic going for so long, it will be hard to break.

My thinking on life has changed so much in the last year. I no longer believe it's my job to make sure other's get the consequences I think they deserve. If I live my life honestly, intentionally and according to my values (which includes allowing others to live their lives, travel their path and not rescue) life will provide all the lessons needed.

I am by no means an expert at this, I'm breaking a lifetime of patterns and it's a challenge but it sure feels better. Knowing my boundaries and being able to maintain them is difficult for me but it does help keep the bad stuff out. And I've heard that a person with really good boundaries needs very few.

Yes, it's tough when the kids are hurt by adult decisions. My kids have been affected and they are young adults. I'm going through difficult times with S19 right now. It hurts but I can't fix it, I can support him but I can't fix it. I spent an hour with my IC yesterday and can't count the number of times I said: "But I can't fix it for him." All I can do is love him and give him the support he needs to move through this. I have to see him as a capable human being who can handle life's difficulties, not handicap him by seeing him as a person who can't.

It is good to know that you are moving through this and that things are perhaps better than you thought they might be at this stage.