My W was here to pack up stuff and was angry and cold. I don't think I will see her again before she moves out of state and that makes me so very sad.
And I fell off the db wagon and asked her not to tell people that she was moving to "give me space." It made me angry that she is acting so altruistic when the truth is that she wanted to move there for her own reasons. It felt like she won't take responsibility for any of the chaos she has created.... But I should not have cared...DBing is so so hard. Is it easier for others out there? I wonder why.
It is so bizarre, it feels like she is an entirely different person, as if the person I knew has been taken over by an alien
I hate that none of this makes sense. I hate that she seems to have no recall of all of the love and good things we shared. I need to work on letting go of the need to make sense of things.
My therapist today said that my W was not able to work through things that are difficult without running away. If that is true and she does not come back, maybe it is better to learn that now instead of at a real crisis point.
When does this get easier?
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
