An eye for an eye and than some!

[chatterbug]

Hi. This is going to be a long winded post.

I have a few questions for you to answer.

1. Where will your sons be living ?
2. Are you still in active duty ?
3. Do you have another deployment coming up ?

Now you have some advantages over a left behind husband / betrayed husband.

You will understand her M.O. As you have experienced it first hand. You also understand that there is nothing you can say or do to make her come back into the marriage. Only she can do that. It is a choice. And one that she will have to make.

As you have already been working on regaining your self respect as a man. I suggest that you stay in your lane and continue this personal growth. As you have said. Respect is important. And if you waffled like a fish out of water, IMHO you will lose your self-respect. So continue to work on your-self. Your going to need a BFH for this. Grow into the man you want to be. One that will make yourself proud. One that will make others take notice. Make this your primary goal. And show it with actions not words. As this is an inner journey.

The other aspect that you need to do right away is square away your finances. Joint accounts. Close them. Joint credit cards. Cancel them. Do it quick. Take a snapshot of your fiances and put it away. If your paying for the cell phone or car insurance. Begin the motions to cancel it. Square away the finances for you and your family. Do not help her in anyway. Do not finance her flight in anyway.

The next aspect is to act as-if. I believe that you should not fall back into your old habit that got you to square one 15 months ago. You need to be a rock.
[url=www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45664&Number=1972248#Post1971843]Read this and understand what is being said.[/url] She is going to come at you with anger. When she does. You be respectful. You be a gentleman. But you do not put up with any bad behaviour. You hang up. You call it out. But you end the conversation. If she comes at you to help with fixing the car, or help on the apartment. You do not help. She has decided that she does not need a husband. So she gets none of those perks. Do not meet any of her emotional needs.

I think that you should not leave the house when she is moving out. This way you can verify that she is not taking anything that should stay in the house. I also think that you need to take inventory of everything in the house right now. So you know exactly what she is taking. And for afterwards when she comes back looking for some dvd or something. You can state. All items will remain in the house until separation is finalized.

And read , read , read.

See what works.

See what drags out limbo.

The goal here is to get you back on your feet. And on the path to recovery. To become a strong man. For yourself first. Your boys second. And to be of the right frame of mind to be able to make your choice to repair the marriage, when your wife makes her choice.

Good luck.