Hey ETB! Great to hear from you! Glad you're doing so well. I like that you posted: Is it that you cant accept this happened to you, or is it you can't accept that this happened to him?
Thats a very good question I will apply to myself!
The 3 C's are the best. WE didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it.!
All of that is really going to help me.
So he's making contact again huh? Ok...let me warn you! Which I know you understand this. This is where you can really start to backslide on your progress!! I think it's because there hasn't been enough NC for us Lbs. I speak from experience.
I was feeling so good and confident about myself and then xh and I started contact again. He actually initiated it. It's all about the kids, but its ALOT about the kids, several times a day about the kids sometimes. Now this really threw me for a loop. I really have been having these huge surgers of anger and resentment towards him. Then I calmed down and enjoyed the contact and the fact my co parent decided to come back and help me out. We recently had a big health issue with D9, and he stepped up to the plate, no questions asked, and acted like the man I married. We even went to court yesterday, and he's still talking to me. All about the kids though, but still really seems like he's trying to reconnect to the kids or there's guilt.
Hell he even made me a decent offer for the divorce and we settled! 2 months ago this was someone that was telling me it was all his fault he was broke because I hired an attorney!So I don't know WTH is going on here, but it makes me nervous and had really pushed me to think about things again.
So hang in ther ETB. If you can, I would pull back and NC for a few more months and then see how you feel. Given we had a crisis with our little girl, well all divorce BS was out the window at that point, as it should've been. My expectations were for him to pull back, and have very little contact from here on out, especially since we had to go to court. Nope, he was home texting me later that night about the kids.
Maybe he just wants to be friends and he let go of his anger, which is good. However Im not at that stage yet. I don't feel comfortable with being friends past a certain point with him.
My emotional state is more fragile than i tought. Not towards XH, but towards a wonderful man that found me. I am having a hard time taking down my fortress. He is so amazing. I hope he doesn't run out of patience with me. Maybe the fear of loosing him is what will give me the power to break-it! to-follow....
Well guys, this is the end of my chapter. I wanna thank each and everyone of you who help me throughout this journey. As you can see, i backed away from all this and discovered A LIFE, MY LIFE. XH is now part of my past.
I was chating with someone from another state for a while and we lost network connection when he left to fill a contract in Africa. I don't know if we will ever find eachother again but he brought me LIGHT. I know for a fact that i was important to him and he was to me. He was my angel and i was his princess. The sad part is we knew our situation would never be more than a " syber fantasy ". We needed eachother and we both filled eachother's need. I discovered that i could love again and i am loveable. I remembered what it is like to be 2 people available to one another. We dreamed together about the life we would have if things were different. We laughed, we shared, we waited for eachother's reply with smile on our faces. This chapter is also over but : I FINALLY FEEL I HAVE REACHED THE OTHER SIDE... The side where my life is good and complete. Everything else is " just life "! I feel WHOLE again. Need a bit of work on trusting others but everybody has something to work on always... That is how we evolve.... Right?
ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU ALL! Best of luck on your journey.
I need your help... My xh is into a second ROCK BOTTOM.. He cried his deaperation to me on the phone last night.... He doesn' t know right from wrong anymore ( his words )...... he is discouraged...
I am scared.. I do know, i can' t fix this for him but how do i stand on the side and do nothing???? I do love him... I made it clear to him that i was always here for him if he needed me.....
Could anyone of you share your thought and experience with me please.... Thank you!!!!
E, It's not easy sitting on the sidelines and watching them hit bottom, but bottom he must hit in order to rise to the top once again.
Be a good listener that's all you can do for him right now. He needs to figure things out for himself, as you already know. Don't offer up advice until he asks for it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you so much !!!