H came over this morning. I had been reading and re-reading the "Pursuer/Distancer" chapter in "The Solo Partner", which really is so great and very much true for our R. Anyway, following a dismal weekend, I decided to distance myself as much as possible today. I've been doing some of it already by barely replying to his txts and never answering calls. It's tricky, because of course I HAVE to answer when he asks how S is doing.

Today for the first time since he left, H asked how I was doing. I nearly fell off the chair. Again, when he came into the room where I was, I sort of moved out to another, and then he would work himself in there, and I would move on. And so on. I also went outside for a walk, but had to return because I wasn't done with work (I work from home).

I could see how he was pushing for me to go back to "pursuer" mode, by asking what I was going to do about issues he knows I'm worried or concerned about. I either said I didn't know or I just shrugged. It clearly bothered him. Now HE is worried, because I couldn't care less. And that's the honest truth: It's such a relief to have given up control over so many issues (such as S's school in fall and what I will do about finances - I won't be able to solve these at the moment anyway). He also tried to bring me down memory lane by telling me he'd run into the doctor who delivered our S - I barely replied.

Well, H didn't seem to get going at the time he usually does, so I told S that soon we'd go to the pool. H asked when we'd go and I said "Oh, in about 15 minutes", after which he took his jacket and left, though there were no trains to the city then.

Just before S and I ran to the pool, H texted me some money concern, to which I didn't reply (if it doesn't pertain to S, I don't answer him). He used his pet name for me in that text, which he also hasn't done since the Bomb Drop in February. When we got back from the pool there was another txt from him asking how the swimming had gone. I know I shall have to reply to that one, but I will wait a little bit.

I am def not expecting any miracles, but it certainly feels as if there's been a little bit of a shift in our R. And most importantly, I feel a bit better.