We started marriage counseling & now he wants out

[Queen_of_Swords]

This is going to be tough to read. I too have a P/A spouse.
The lessons I learned in a nutshell...
1) Let him go, but make it clear you don't want a divorce, but if he wants one, he'll have to do the work. You won't help, you won't hinder.

2) Do the counseling for yourself, without expectation he'll go along for the ride. Address those things within you that contributed to he sense of alienation.
If you're like many of us here, you were the relationship fixer and with that go a whole lot of thought patterns and behaviours that are perceived negatively by our spouses and others.

3)Get yourself a life that does not include him, learn that your happiness resides within you, and his resides within him. You can't MAKE anyone happy.

Get and read Divorce Busting and Divorce Recovery. Apply the principles.

In the meantime understand it's NOT about you.