Dagnabit!

[labug]

ces, yes, today is a day off but I'm going to do 4 hours at my second job. Then I'm off on Thurs. My schedule is different every week.

I'm confused and I warn you I'm tired. My lizard brain comes out to play when I'm tired and wreaks havoc on my psyche.

This is the 6th week of, by my choice, having no contact with H.

Back Story: Both Sons are on H's insurance (it's an HSA), it's always been that way. S22 uses benefits hardly ever. S19 has need to use it more as he has a chronic condition and he's been dealing with depression. He has a history of dep but it was exacerbated by the Sep last Feb and then S22 moving to go to school in Aug. So he's had a few extra visits for that reason. He's also on meds.

He was due for a Rx refill and needed the insurance card to pick it up. H has said for months that he would get S19 his own card but, it hasn't happened yet. So S19 called him yesterday and asked for the card and apparently H was unhappy that he had to drive here and drop the card off. The car S19 drives is currently out of commission, and I was at work.

H lives about 5 miles from the house! Come on, this is your kid! Apparently when he got here he almost literally "dropped" the card off. Did not get out and spend any time with S19, didn't offer to go hang out for a while. They've seen each other once in the past 4-5 weeks. I've suspected for a while that there's more discord between them because there haven't been as many visits as previously.

S19 was pretty down when I got home last night and I tried too hard to make it better. He wouldn't tell me exactly what the conversation was because he's very private about that R but he did say he was tired of taking other people's sh!t. He did say that he thought H didn't like to come here. I asked: "He knew I was at work, right?" "Yes."

So, put your big boy pants on H and help your son out! H is with them as he was with me: everything's OK, everything's OK, everything's OK, WHAM! It's NOT okay.

I'm trying not to read anything into all this because I don't know the whole story. All I know is I saw my kid in pain last night and that hurts but he's becoming an adult and he can and needs to deal with that. His relationship with his father is between the 2 of them.

Also, this hasn't bothered me as much as it would have a few months ago. I can't make H a different person or solve whatever his issue is, I can't fix the R between S and H.

Comments, observations, advice?