Had a decent weekend with kids and W. I have started to notice tht W is iniating contact more when I am not around or have the kids. Went to eat and the museum on Saturday since the weather was more March like than we have been having.
Finances came up and I told W that I really don't like having two separate accounts since I always have to cut a check for he bills. Made me feel like I was giving W an allowance. She then voiced her displeasure and I listened, listened and validated.
Saturday W and I watched TV together for the rest of the night, talked about present events and where we should go in the summer.
Sunday we had to run errands for the week and for our upcoming trip. This is a new development since W and I would not do this together.
Afternoon was nice so I showed S10 how to cut grass with me, he has wanted to do this. W went for walk and D6 and I used the riding mower to cut the grass.
Was in the middle of writing this when W comes down and tells me that we should cancel the trip to Disney because the kids are not falling asleep as quick as she would like, they both sleep with her and I sleep in another room. So I go upstairs to find out what is up S10 is crying because he is scared and D6 won.t go to sleep either. Both come to me crying, I get S10 situated again and D6 tucked in again. W gets mad and says "this is becoming easier for me to leave due to you kids, I will only have to do del with you half the time." I say nothing and W falls asleep minutes later, kids a little longer. W said today she was exhausted so I expected he to be short. Didn't ask why she fealt that way just focused on the kids.
W has flat out told me she is waiting for the other shoe to drop regarding my 180's. I usually walk away, but today I asked what if 6 months from now I am still helping with the kids/ house then what? W said then I won't be leaving. Like most stuff with us I do not put any hope in that.
Trying to keep myself upbeat the following has occurred since the bomb has dropped:
1. R between me and kids has improved ten fold, they are now relying on me and no longet solely counting on W,
2. With working out and hockey I have lost 30 pounds,
3. I am aware of the families finances and will talk about it wit W without blowing up,
4. W has initiated contact when we are apart,
5. W has started to talk again beyond small talk,
6. The things around the house that have bugged me are being done by me without bitching, and
7. W relying me on more with kids (picking up D6) without having to text.
These are small steps, but there is no physical contact with us, except for sex. I miss being able to give/get a hug or hold a hand.
From the great people here, my W's behavior is typical. I can't let myself get down. I will stay focused on my 180's.
