So sorry you are going through this stuff - you're right, it is almost impossible to keep the emotion out of these discussions.
My experience is that it's best just to let H have his say (i.e. tell me what he expects me to do) on whatever financial issue he has a bee in his bonnet about.
But then I say that I need some time to think about it.
That is, don't be dragged into a discussion/argument on the spot.
Then you can get back to him via email or text - anything where you can create a record of the interaction.
This may help to curtail his more excessive/outrageous demands- or alternately, it provides evidence of what he was trying to get you to do if things need to go to court.
I feel bad about suggesting this sort of thing in relation to someone we thought we could trust, but we do need to protect ourselves financially.
