My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Still chugging along. I have done a lot of thinking of my resentment of H during our marriage, especially for the job situation. And I've decided that though I do feel that I am doing the lion's share of supporting the family, I can't really blame him for me having to work a stressful job. There are parts of my job that I do enjoy and it pays very, very well. It's a great company with amazing benefits and it treats its staff very well. I guess it just became easy to blame H for my stress. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's fair that I work all day and come home to a messy house while he played video games all day. But, I have to own my decisions in this as well.

H might have a job, btw. He has an interview later this week and feels pretty good about his chances. This would really help a lot. We can move out of the IL's home (thank God) and have some privacy.

I've made another decision. If H doesn't get the job (or any job) and we can't move out, I'm sticking to my deadline of moving out of the house by November. If he isn't coming with me, then that's his decision. My decision is that I deserve to have my own space and enjoy my living area. I love H, but I can't keep living in that home. His M is toxic and I can't sit there and deal with it any longer.

I'm still deciding a lot of things. I'm working on my GAL. I've signed up for a rug hooking class with a coworker. I've also started a book club. We're going to meet in two weeks. I'm researching the first book and going to decide on some ground rules. I'm really looking forward to it. Busy is better in my situation. I can't stand sitting home, stewing while he's off somewhere else. Now, if he's out (like tonight, he's at a poetry reading), I'm going to relax, watch a movie (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo remake this evening) and enjoy my self and the quiet. I had a really busy weekend. We had a regional forum at work and I was there all day Saturday and most of the day today. So I'm tired and I'm just going to enjoy the evening for myself.

H and I have another MC session on Thursday. H has IC on Tuesday and has to see our GP to discuss his meds for depression. I have completely let go of feeling any responsibility for his condition. I've given that back to him. He needs to manage his own health. And I need to manage mine. First thing first: Take care of myself.