Here we go again...?

[someguy1233]

I was here previously. My wife wasn't happy with our relationship and had an affair. We worked hard... very hard, and ended up with what I thought was a much healthier relationship. We had a lot of struggles when we first agreed to stay together and work things out, but I thought we "made it." I/we made the mistake of not continuing therapy. Looking back, our communication broke down again.

We had our first child nearly a year ago and I thought things were going great. However, about one or two months ago my wife opened up and told me she was depressed. She doesn't like where we live as the commute to work is too far. She feels terrible about the amount of time our son spends in daycare. She's also upset that she barely has any friends. (We let a lot of "friendships" go after the affair due to their destructive nature.)

I suggested that she see a therapist and that we try to figure out a way to modify our work schedules so that our son spends less time in daycare. She agreed, but no action was taken.

About two weeks ago we had a blow out fight. We rarely have large fights, so this was unusual. I was feeling very suspicious because she's been spending more time at work happy-hours and the same male co-worker drops her off at home. The fight started when I told her I didn't appreciate her not giving me a time when she would be home. I'd asked her for this courtesy numerous times and explained that this info was needed so I could plan dinner and know if I was putting our son to bed by myself.

She informed me that she felt like I was smothering her. She said any time she started to act "a little different," I was always there trying to "put her in line." She said she wasn't sure if this was due to the previous affair, but if so.. I needed to get over it and let it go. We ended up talking more and I realize that I haven't been as helpful as I could around the house and with the baby.

I spent the last two weeks being more helpful, understanding, and cheerful. One week ago she commented that I was being so great and that she really appreciated it.

Two nights ago she finally told me that she's very depressed. She hates everything about life. She said she has an appointment with a psychologist in about 2 weeks. (This is the same psychologist that her now-divorced friend sees...) She said that she still notices all the extra work I've been doing but it doesn't change anything. I offered the idea of marriage counseling. She said she'd go, but she doesn't think it will help because she needs to "figure her stuff out on her own." When asked, I told her that I didn't feel very loved. She said that she knows that. She knows that she should hold my hand, or cuddle on the couch, or have sex. She said she just doesn't feel like it. She said she knows it's wrong, but still doesn't want to do it. She does say I love you and cuddles me but ONLY when we're lying down to go to bed.

Since our talk she has spent the majority of the weekend surrounding herself with friends. We've had minimal time alone together and when we have it's been silent and awkward. She just left to go to a happy-hour with work friends.

I don't know if she's having another affair, or if she's just that depressed. I feel like she's blocking me out. I keep hoping that it's just depression and that with some help she'll realize there's hope and remember why we love each other. I just don't know that the realization will come before she does something that will permanently damage/destroy our relationship.