The Space Between...

[purgatory]

Opinions??
H attempted to talk to me about our papers, I wasn't engaging in the conversation so he was getting irritated. He told me that he thinks it's ridiculous that I insist on evoking my right to his retirement- b/c I won't see any of it for another 15 years. I only said I wanted his retirement b/c he changed his mind about staying separated indefinitely (so we could benefit from tax breaks, he would continue to receive married pay and I could maintain my military benefits- there were plusses for both of us.) He changed his mind about this a month ago saying: "It would feel like the marriage is still hanging over my head, I need it to be done completely." This has been a sticking point for both of us. Anyways, he told me today that his lawyer calculated out my portion and it would be $300 every month from the time he's 47 until he dies. His lawyer advised him that even if I put my refusal to claim retirement pay in our papers- if I ever changed my mind, I could sue and win simply b/c the military entitles me to claim it. He said that it doesn't make sense for me to take money away from him that late in our lives when it won't matter to me then, I pointed out that he will be taking money away from me *now* because I will now have to pay for insurance and medical procedures out of pocket- taking potential funds away from my lifestyle and his kids. He said that I should research insurance plans and he would be willing to help fund it with me. I told him that it feels like he's putting a monetary value on me and it hurts that his idea of 'support' for the mother of his children is $$. I also said that regardless of our marital status, the fact remains that I will have to continue to support his military career in the fact that I will be left behind to take care of the kids and their fears/questions every time he deploys; If we were still married- I would have the support of military services, my husband and his love to motivate me during these deployments. **This is where he lost it** He went off (yelling and talking down to me) saying that I would have to take care of the kids in any case b/c the are *my* kids too; what kind of mom and I for putting a money value to my kids; questioning if I'll only take care of the kids if I get my way... then he hung up on me. (there are a lot more words, but you get the idea of the rambling)

I never raised my voice, I didn't interrupt him, I didn't get defensive. It seemed like he was over reacting, but maybe I was wrong? The feeling I got is that I touched a nerve perhaps and maybe he thought I made a good point- but instead of telling me this and back down, he twisted things around to stay in the position of victim and keep the anger going (I speak from experience b/c I know I did this when I felt backed into a corner)

Without hearing all the details of our 'talk' I realize that it's hard for any of you to give a true impression- but do I have a valid point? Does he? Should I stand my ground or try to find a compromise? Is there a compromise?

(we are supposed to continue/finish this talk tonight)