So things with me and H have been in a really good place "Friends" wise. I know he's been talking about dating but wasn't quite sure if he was. Our Divorce is almost final and I have been trying and holding myself to all the key steps. As "nice" as he is I think he's really just done and wants to be friends.
But this weekend I did EVERYTHING I shouldn't have done. In a way I feel like I had a mental breakdown. He has this "friend" tht he's worked with for like 6 years. While he is suddenly been talking like they hang out. First like a month ago he told me her an her son went with him to get his new tattoo. I asked him than if they were dating and he laughed at me and said "Jess shes got 2 teenage kids. Shes older and just and will always be just a friend. so don't worry." This womans husband died 4 months ago. She got a tattoo of her husbands picture on her arm... hense the reconnection... She introduced H to her tattoo guy. Anyways I wasn't worried. I didn't think shed be dating anytime soon. So he told me Fri night that he was going to be taking our kids to hang out at a friends house this weekend when he had them. "To hang out with her 16 yr old daughter."... our daughter is barley 6 yrs old. I asked him not to and he insisted that they were just friends... I still told him I did not want our kids hanging out with another woman and he did it anyways. He lives close by me and I have to pass his house on the way to mine. Around Sat night I noticed it was almost 11pm and they still were not home. I flipped out. I know I shouldn't have but my kids should be in bed by no later than like 10pm. They are 3 and 6... I started drinking and ended up txting him asking him why he wasn't home with our kids. He said he was just about home. After he got home and I know the kids were in bed I called him and we ended up getting into a huge fight with me sobbing and begging him to come home. After lots of yelling his phone died and I was stupid and walked down there to finish the conversation. He refused to talk and said that things had been going so great between us and that he thought I needed mental help. Then slammed the door in my face and said if I didn't go home he'd call the cops. I won't home. I woke up feeling stupid and he brought the kids home. My daughter brought home pictures of her and this womans daughter together. My daughter told me that they were there all day and that this woman is REALLY nice and daddy hugged her ALOT. I once again flipped out and called him. He said "I talked to Haleigh and she was fine with it and understood we were just friends. I mean what did you want me todo? Make out with her in front of the kids?" He then told me that they were dating and that it might lead to more and when I asked him if they were having sex he said "That's nine if your business." And I asked him "Just tell me no." and he said "I can't tell you No....were dating...and that all I need to know." I proceded to beg and cry for him to com to his senses. He told me that I needed to move on and he NEVER wants to be with me ever again. That he thought the divorce proved that to me and that he's happy and has moved on. Did I meantion that my H and I work together and this woman works with me on the same floor as well and I have to look at them together? She looks like 10 years older than him... I than proceded to post this on my FB to get other moms opinions and if I was overreacting. How dare he involve our kids in his dating life! And to lie to me about it all this time. Just so happens that a co-worker I barley talk to messaged me and told me that this woman is her boss and best friend and that shes been through alot with her husband dieing and that she would never harm my children and that my H makes her smile again and that I should just let them be together because this woman needs it after all shes been through. I once again was upset and responded with all the things that my H has done wrong and told her to warn this woman that he's just using her and that he told me so.. I dunno why I did it. Shes gonn go straght to her and tell her. In my frame of mind that what I wanted.
He is barley speaking to me now. Hes been staying over at her house and I am trying so hard to stop myself from doing anything else. I did EVERYTHING wrong and ruined all my hard work. I love him..I dunno how to move on or to adjust to all this. I am in so much pain all the time. I felt like I snapped. As soon as my kids got involved and that they were spending time with her in made me crazy. He told me he still plans on taking the kids over there whenever they want because they had alot of fun and that I am just living in the past. Do I start over? Did I ruin everything? I dunno how to just act like this is all just okay with me when I have to see them at work and know that my kids are now seeing her too... I kinda feel like after my crazy antics that he's never gonna come home. I am embarrissed and ashamed of how I acted. We have been seperated 2 yrs now. I am losing hope.
How do you all stay strong? Have you ever flipped out on your ex and pushed them even farther away though all this? Did they come back? I dunno how I can handle my kids being over there. I feel so sick right now and alone.
You need to start LRT right away. Yes they could come back You stay strong by working on yourself and being the best parent possible.
Right now you need to just worry about the basics and take one day at a time. Eat, sleep, and breathe.
