Well I'm kind of at a loss as to how I'm feeling today. I totally got the wrong impression from my W that she wanted to work things out & take them slowly.
We had a talk & she said that she's very happy with the way I have been since Sunday, that I seem so much happier, healthier and attractive and that I'm fun to be around. Then she said that emotionally she just isn't there at all & to not get my hopes up, because we'd been having lots of sex lately.
I said that I misread the situation and that I respect how you feel right now and that it's probably best if we don't discuss anything more about our R until I finish my course in May, when we can work out what we want to do next.
I'm not letting it bother me too much, because to be fair I am cake eating right now. But when the time comes if that's what she still wants, to be separated and see how that works out I will have to respect that wish.
If it's meant to be we'll get back together someday. The way I'm rationalising this in my head is that, before we were together me & my W had other partners, plus this R is no longer exclusive (hence the affair). Because if we do separate we will be seeing other people, that's the reality of it. Yeah the thought of my W with another man is not something I would hope for, but sometimes you just have to face up to reality and accept these things.
My W, to me will always be the mother of my children, a great friend, lover and companion.
Whatever happens I will make sure I'm the best DAD and the best ME that I can be.
I've been running quite a bit lately and eating better & I'm down to 180lb's which is pretty good for someone who's 6 "1. I feel great about myself physically, I'm communicating better with friends, family and my confidence is back. If I do get the gift of time from my W & we separate, I'm going to enjoy my time as a single guy. I've been with my beautiful W for 12 years and have completely forgotten what it's like to be single.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm at a cross roads right now, but I'm enjoying this stage too. My W and I are having the best sex of our R, we get along so much better and sometimes I have to pinch myself & say we're not together, but I'm loving the way we are, when we are together.
I don't know what the next chapter in my life will be, but I do know that there will be a next chapter.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
