golf mom, The description of your h's home life is exactly why he's in crisis. He's trying to find himself and understand why he was never validated or treated the way that he should have been as a child. His comment about "you are a wonderful person to everyone but me" speaks of both abandonment and lack of validation...however, I do not think he's aiming the arrow at you, but he is projecting his feelings on to you from his past.
Had your h talked to you over the years about how he felt and what was going on w/him, you might have been better able to understand why he's running. However, you still would not have been able to stop his train from leaving the station because there are a lot of unanswered questions that he needs to seek the answers to and you were not a part of his life at that time.
You have a very good handle on what is going on...just leave him alone, if he should want to talk, listen, do not offer quick fixes and do not tell him he is in crisis. They don't want us to diagnose them or tell them what to do. His projections will sometimes make you think you didn't do something that you should have done...it's just projections. They will bring up things that happened years ago and you have to just listen and then let it go. You have to be the one to determine whether your relationship w/him was live or memorex. I would venture to say it was live...so with that being said, you know what your relatiionship was w/him and I would not doubt myself one minute. You did everything you could to be the best wife, lover, mother, friend and companion to him. This journey is all about him and what needs to be repaired within himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
