what your co worker text you last night is true! All of it! Read that 10 times a day and maybe it will help you feel better! I have some really good positive affirmations I have printed out. After I read them a while, I really do start to feel better and my self esteem gets stronger.
I completely understand and validate your feelings and total frustration in dealing with your husband's "spin" on things and how he's viewing it. I went through exactly what you are going through now, and I hadn't discovered DB yet. No, you can't win anywhere when it concerns dealing with direct issues with him. I argued with my H, wrote long emails, we would have R conversations by text and did alot of validating his feelings, yet I really was trying to show him reality of the situation and how his choices were going to really bite down the road. The good part of that was he would make an effort to see things my way, but at the same time would be trying to convince me why his choices he was making were the best for the both of us, but mainly him.
So apparently this is a big NO NO when it comes to DB. However knowing myself, if I knew the rules of Dbing before this all came about, I seriously doubt I would've been able to stick to them. That's what we call a "backslide". WE all do them, and quite frankly I do believe they're called for from time to time.
However there is saying : Do everything WRONG with the right ATITITUDE and SUCCEED. Do everything RIGHT withe the WRONG ATTITUDE and DON'T SUCCEED.
As of now, as hard as this is, attempt to focus on the business end of this, regarding your concerns of the house and finances. I got some very wise advice from someone I work with that went down this road a few years ago. She said to me " Look, you spent all your time and energy trying to keep this marriage together. He wants out. He's living with that woman now. Do what I didn't do....FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU'RE ENTITLED TO! I wish I had done that, but I was so worried about wanting to be fair and not fight about anything. Well now I wish I did things differently".
That really helped me keep moving forward in focusing in what I needed to take care of business wise. This is the part where you have to remain firm and not waiver in your boundaries. This is not R talk, it is business. The MLCers will work damn hard to try and bring the R issues into it and find reason to spew over things and claim you're doing things purposely to SCREW them, etc. The best response to these sort of accusations is "Im sorry you feel that way", and then simply, but objectively address the issue.
A good example would be when my stbx blamed me for his inability to pay me agreed child support in DECEMBER of all months. I basically told him that if he was having money problems he could've talked to me about this, but if he refuses to speak to me or alert me on what's going on then how am I supposed to know?
Hang in there, we've all been through it or are going thought it and we're here to support you.
