Crazytown population me.....

[PEI]

hrm ...

It can be very easy to fall into victim mode ... and I really, really caution you against letting yourself go there. This is still your life and you have the ability to step up and make choices and control the only thing you can ... YOU.

You are scared. That's obvious, and you've said so. So let's start there. Give us more of the financial background ... You are 31 years old with no children - from where I sit you should be able to support yourself financially with some planning and adjustments. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but you can. (I've got 3 kids, work full time and am looking for a part-time job so I might have spending money someday). There are details that will have to be worked out if he leaves, but waiting for him to walk and devastate the situation financially is irresponsible - to YOURSELF. Protect yourself, if you don't have them open your own bank accounts. Call your lender and make sure that the mortgage is current and up to date (if your name is on it). If you have anything that is in both names, monitor it closely. Do not be a victim here.

The reason it sounds so convincing when he says stuff that you KNOW isn't true is simple, to him it IS true. For now. He believes it completely. It's his truth right now.

Also, I am trying not to argue with him.

ummmm ....

I told him I am a person and this is our marriage, not a situation.

I did a lot of the pointing out of his choices

I said nope, that won't make me think you don't love me

whether or not you want to believe we are married right now we are, and that is still adultery

I told him I don't believe that, he used to call me an angel in his life.

I said probably not

I told him that's not true, had 11 great years, and could have more

I told him I didn't buy that.

I beg to differ

everything is repairable

Listen. We've all been there. I remember feeling like no one understood ... I felt so alone ... I'm not trying to play down what you are feeling or how hard this is. There is a fantastic post on here by Bworl about fear and love. It's an eye opener. Maybe one of the vets with better archive searching skills than myself can find it for you...

For me, one of the things that really helped me was learning to put everything in the proper perspective. Honestly. My life didn't end. The world didn't stop spinning. My kids didn't crumple into emotionally unstable beings. WE ARE OK. Better than ok actually, thriving ... all of us.

BY CHOICE.

That's what I could control.

So much of what my life looks like right now is NOT what I had planned/expected ... and lots of things that I felt "should" have been in my control weren't (like moving out the house).

Well I'm sorry to say, he is going to have to realize you can't just check out of life and pretend you are 16 again. He's an adult, and needs to realize it and stop projecting all his issues onto me!

Agreed. You also need to realize that he is an adult, and like it or not he is making choices that he has a right to make (hurtful, selfish, bizarre as they may be). So deep breath, stand up and take responsibility for what you can control ...

Start with your finances.

Then start dreaming ... marriage and husband aside ... what do you want? Really want for hrm the woman?

Peace
PEI