I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything

[breakdownbill]

Hi YC

I've started a new thread

I didn't see it coming part 2

I'm feeling really good thanks, and I am far from detached, but was getting there.

I'd had a good couple of days, Thursday night was a breeze. Why? Well my W was actually messaging me while she was there & came home early. So my mind didn't wander.

Yesterday I felt good went for a run & our conversations were great, some flirting going on. Then yesterday evening my sister called to see how I was & I didn't want to leave the room to make my W feel uncomfortable. My phone's pretty loud & my wife could hear my sister say, 'Can you talk is W's name there?' - It was awkward, but I handled it as best as I could. I simply said , 'yes' to my sister & assured her that I was fine & not to worry about me.

I've made a conscious decision not to discuss anything further about my sitch with family & people who are close to us both (out of respect to my W & plus I don't want any pressure or bad advice).

After the call I apologised to my W for making her feel awkward on the phone & explained that I was sorry for confiding some details about our sitch, but that I had stopped discussing our M issues a while ago & that I didn't want to talk to my family about it.

My W was fine about it & we ended up having a R talk which was different to any we've been having since the 1st bomb.
My W was very indecisive this time saying whether we stay together or not - which was a real positive. So I kind of validated this & probed by saying, 'I realise now just how broken our R had become & that all's I wanted right now was to build our R slowly brick by brick, without any pressure or outside influence. I said that I wasn't ready to be full on & jump back into our R and that I'd like to take babysteps & take it slowly. My W seemed really happy about this and later on she flirted with me in bed & we made love. (YC the kissing was amazing, so much desire on both sides for each other).

I am not going to push anything & just take it day by day, but I'm happy that my changes are being noticed & my 180 this week of being happy, communicating & genuinely listening to my W's day to day events have paid off. I feel like we are slowly mending our R. I'm expecting many more highs & lows, but right now I am content & very happy at the way things are moving.

My big, big win this week was letting go of the guilt and blame I felt for our R breaking down & accepted it was over. As daft as it might sound, I was simply acting as if it was over & believing it was over & that I was OK with it.

I felt transformed & did feel like a big part of the old me was back, telling jokes, that spring in my step.

My W still loves me & wants it to work, like me she doesn't want to keep hurting anymore, so we're taking it step by step.

All's I'll say is I'm happy today, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Detaching is hard, but letting go of the guilt and blame is even harder. If you can let go of that, you can look to the future YC.

Love life, love yourself and let yourself be loved & good things will happen.

(I'm all loved up today)

Bill