Spinning, neglect, loss and the bomb

[ouroboros]

It's because she wants to remain "in control". She'll blame you for "making" her feel the way she does, but bottomline is that she wants to control the situation so she won't get hurt.

That seems quite obvious now...but only after you pointed it out to me. I don't know why this didn't occur to me, but you're definitely on to something.

Sandi was asking about the C because, to be honest, at this stage of the game it won't work. We've all learned it the hard way and it's written in DB. I forgot to see if you've read it.

I read DR, not DB. It doesn't explicitly say don't use C, but here I am wondering how not to backslide during C... Right or wrong, one thing I am hoping comes out of C is having W access her emotions, even if in a limited way where I'm not the one provoking. W usually wears them on her sleeve, yet since the bomb has been unusually and steadfastly stoic in all matters related to the future--an expression of control.
For what it's worth, the C is EFT which is very much geared accessing emotions to get to the crux of issues, with an eye toward the future without rehashing the past.

I'm thinking *I* need to exercise greater self-control during C, and for the time being be more matter of fact than emotionally expressive.

In your W's "moment of clarity", did she say why she wanted a D? I mean real reasons. Is it that she lost respect for you or whatever?

No, that's one of the things with which I'm really struggling. I tried to find this out asking from several directions when I was pursuing as well as during our C. The closest detail I've gotten is "we've grown apart". W denies EA and PA. She also explicitly says she's as much to blame as I am, but then quickly points out that means we're both blameless. I'm suspecting that WAW, at least in this case, is coming out of a place of fear, from a place of lack of control--and a loss of confidence/respect that I can help provide those controls due to my MLC and depression.

Don't lose hope. First thing you need to do is to stop assuming all the blame of this happening. It doesn't do anyone any good. You can turn the ship around but you have to be strong to do it. I would strongly suggest you go to C just for yourself and DEFINITELY change your username.

Thanks for the needed encouragement--It's so freaking hard not to lose hope some days.
I'm really finding it hard to reconcile the idea that I shouldn't shoulder all the blame with the entire DR approach. If I partly blame the W, I start to feel resentful or angry. If I blame myself, I get sad and remorseful. I'm not really one to blame the universe on these sorts of situations. I'm feel like struggling. I'm trying to simply forgive myself, and W, for the situation we are in. But, I'm having a hard time forgiving the things I'm not comprehending, like W's rational for the D.

If you call yourself "crushd" that is how you will remain. Change it to something more positive and strong. Then believe it and live it.

Damn.
This really hits home with me...this is really about a shift or rebuild of my own identity, isn't it. I mean, all of it. Again, how could I have not known or seen that?