Accuray, I just realized that all this time I thought your name was "Accuracy" LOL!! Which would actually be very fitting considering how "accurate" all of your information is. I feel like I just want you to whisper in my ear what do to as I go throughout the different stages of my situation. I'm afraid of myself. I fear I lack the knowledge of how to handle this situation in a healthy way.
I did ask H in our 2 hour convo yesterday if he was able to be with OW without feeling the guilt could he see himself with her? He said, yes. But he'd still worry about the kids. I hate that I'm so insecure about all of this. I want my confidence back. I know my confidence is what he wants to see as well. I now know that I still hold much value in his life and he isn't as heartless as I once thought he was.
I think if he ends up going with OW, just like what happened over the past couple months, everything will start to remind him of me. He'll see the way she is with his kids and he may miss the connection that I share with them being that I'm their mother. There are so many things. When he came to talk to me on Saturday night he kept naming off all of these little things that kept reminding him of me. I loved hearing it. It made me feel like I was not crazy in all of this. That there actually is still some love there after all.
I need to get myself in order and start back on the DB trail. I honestly feel like I'm at square one again. My thought process is the same as it was when we first separated, however, I'm resisting my thoughts. I have had so many things that I want to say to him and have restrained myself. How did this happen? Just a couple weeks ago I was on top of this!!
I need to find an IC, I just don't want to end up going to someone that will lead me to a bad place. I felt like my first one didn't do a whole lot of good for me. And I don't know if I have the time to shop around. This will be something I will be looking into anyway. I appreciate so much all of the help that I've received here, it is my lifeline right now.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
