Husband left me...feel hopeless

[Accuray]

I really hope you have a nice trip, try to enjoy yourself. It is not a good idea to expect that this trip will be an eye-opener for H. Things will not happen on your schedule and it will take longer than you would like. You might have to go dark for 4 months or more before he opens his eyes.

The problem with hope is that it leads to expectations. Expectations lead to anticipation. When the expectations are not met, we feel devastated, and that leads us to panic and/or pursue.

Think of it like a broken bone or an illness, it just takes time to heal, and talking, wanting and hoping don't make it go any faster.

I don't know if I told you this or not, but the way you're feeling is because of your loss of control. It is because you cannot "make" H come back to you that you feel like you want him so badly. If he were back and committed, you wouldn't feel this passionately about him, in fact, things about him would probably annoy you that you've forgotten about. Feeling more in control = less passion. Feeling less control = more passion.

So what can you do?

You can treat this "control deficiency" by doing things that restore your feeling of control. That can be by putting together a schedule of GAL activities and managing to it, or better yet, take on something where you can chart and observe progress. Working out, losing weight, learning an instrument, all of these things allow you to chart where you are when you start, and then check in every couple weeks and actually SEE your progress. This will make you feel in control of yourself, and will balance out the feelings that your situation with H is causing.

You're like a board leaning on a brick right now. If the brick gets yanked you're going to land on your face. You need to start cranking that board back upright so that it's not leaning on anything. (Maybe that was a crappy analogy, but you get it)

Accuray